A complete hellhole. A town full of sordid, tango-tanned scrubbers and thick, ignorant, aggressive scallies. If you've ever seen the Burt Reynolds film 'Deliverance you'll have some idea what these
people are like. These slackjawed, shaven-headed morons (otherwise known as 'friendly, witty scousers') are amongst the most violent and bigoted
people on the planet. If you have the misfortune to live here ( and I do), for god'
s sake
don't show any individuality, and try not to be from an ethnic background because they'll very probably kill you. Laughably this
dump was awarded 'European City of Culture' for 2008, notwithstanding the fact that its so-called 'culture' consists of the 'Beatles' who left here in 1963 and
never came back, and some of the worst clubs on
earth playing the cretinous 'scouse-house'. Here are some tips for fitting in if you have the bad
luck to end up here. These tips should ensure survival:
1. wear a tracksuit (women
may wear pyjamas)
2. shave your head (women should be bottle blond)
3. develop a guttural whine (both sexes)
4. gob on the
floor frequently (experts recommend at least every 10 steps) (both sexes)
5. try not to finish a sentence without using the F word at least fourteen times (again, both sexes)
6. steal anything that isn't nailed down
7. talk in an extremely loud voice (as you're so 'witty' everyone will want to hear your opinions)
8. glare at everyone in a threatening manner, especially students, '
goths' and anyone perceived to be'gay'
9. Call anyone not wearing a tracksuit 'gay' then
beat them up
10. tell everyone how 'scousers are the friendliest
people in the world aren't they though?'