carpenter

A man who has wood and does things with it. Carpenters use their tools for such purposes as screwing, drilling, and reaming. Rubbing and sawing away at old logs are also common activities. Nailing, while definitely an important part of carpentry, is not nearly as good as screwing. Carpenters also often get glue all over their wood.
While carpentry is an important and serious subject - after all, without it, we wouldn't have such things as chairs, desks, tables and doors - the terminology of carpentry is fraught with opportunities to make crass sexual innuendos.
Carpenters themselves, of which I am one, exploit these opportunities whenever possible.
Jesus was a famous carpenter, but all the jokes were removed by po-faced editors when he wrote The Bible.

Drilling, screwing, nailing, reaming, rubbing - all things done by a carpenter.

by Tony Prescott September 29, 2006

carpet burn

(n) what one gets on one's knees or elbows after or during sex on the carpet.

Her boyfriend asked for some lotion to put on his knees which had been carpet burned from their sexual tryst.

by BlackGoddess December 11, 2003

Carpet Surfing

A despretly fiending scavenger who crawls on the floor combing the carpet looking for a tiny nugorshard one of his friends might have dropped during a session in hopes it is big enough to get a high.

Dude, give the carpet surfing a rest, John didn't drop anything!

by Dream Rude October 26, 2006

Carpin all those diems

Making the most of your time

"Only losers look stuff up while the rest of us are carpin all those diems."
-summer

by Zed72 August 14, 2017

Flying Carpet

When needing to take a sh*t in a public restroom, you bend over not letting your ass touch the toliet. Hoovering above the toliet as if you were on a flying carpet.

Ah maaaannnn.....some one pissed all over the toliet. I guess i will have to perform the flying carpet.

by Travis Mo Dogg February 28, 2009

carpet farming

The act of looking for stray freebase cocaine rocks in one's carpet in a flailing attempt to get another hit.
Also applies to regular cocaine.

Ted smoked all his shit, was outta money, and ended up carpet farming some lint and dog dandruf.

by simon_magus September 28, 2003

Carpal Tunnel

Short for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, a nerd's worst nightmare.

Can happen when you play video/computer games or just typing for way too long. Can cause significant pain, and numbness in the median nerve of the wrist.

Kyle: Ahh! Ahh!
Stan: Kyle? Kyle? Dude, what's wrong?
Kyle: Carpal tunnel, carpal tunnel! it's aahhh!
Stan: Oh Jesus, he's got it bad.
Cartman: Quick, we need Bengay.

by cx13 September 23, 2008