It’s NOT ham!!!

An outburst of pure disgust unleashed when a normal situation in life completely bends you over without consent.

For example: like when you order a beautiful ham baguette and instead receive a tuna-soaked atrocity that smells like it’s been dragged through a fisherman’s jockstrap.

Used when something is SO wrong, SO offensive, that polite language packs its bags and leaves the country.

It’s not ham!!!

by Onesmartfella December 8, 2025

It's not a fight

I'm doing what I'm doing and OTHER PEOPLE are trying to intercede their own bulkshit into what I'm doing so they can steal my shit and the are using everything I do and say as post hoc justification to continue do what they have been doing since I was 19 which is stalk, harass, and now use that stalking and harassment to try to control my behavior while using me to generate money for themselves and leave me out of the proceeds they did nothing to earn.

Hym "It has nothing to do with my IQ and everything to do with rejecting any relative or disparate statements I make regarding ME or other people. It's not a fight. I'm not fighting anyone for anything. They are just trying to beat me into submission and that isn't what this is about. I refuse to participate and I shouldn't have to wait or ask for this."

by Hym Iam December 13, 2025

That's not what it's called

Stop doing that. Stop LETTING him do that. You people are fucking idiots. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?

Hym "That's not what it's called. That is not what is happening there. Your assertion is that HIS DERANGMENT... About how successful you are... Made HIS SON kill him... As opposed to something he was maybe doing to his son... Like, is that what happened to family in Wausau who were killed by their own son? The parents were ALSO so deranged by the outcome of the election that THEIR SON... Killed them. Do the kids love Trump so much that that have to KILL THEIR OWN PARENTS to defend him? Or is it probably something else? Like, the LIKELY... That it is MY THING... Is SO MUCH HIGHER... Than the likelihood that it's THAT... What the actual fuck is wrong with you?"

by Hym Iam December 16, 2025

It's not rewards

You're not doing everyone except me you stupid piece of shit. I'm not going to let you pretend you're doing something good by doing this. Tell them they are being stupid. Make a ruling that aligns with MY right because their rights aren't involved here.

Hym "It's not rewards. You need to pay and you need to shut the fuck up about it. I'm not doing this with you people. You don't get a say."

by Hym Iam December 17, 2025

It's not the mass, it's the method!

This is the 21st century, right? Alexa can deliver our instant gratification faster than our cerebral cortex might prefer, our watch can order cocktails, and a movie, and open the garage door, and yet, we're using antiquated vernacular to explain the simple fact that size, matters...

It's not the size of the wand, it's the wizard who wields it... Size doesn't really matter, does it, because if it does... It's the motion of the ocean, not the size of the surf board, that matter, right?... it's how you use it, that matters...

These don't exactly roll off the tongue with that "Siri, You rock!!!" vibe that we all know and love, do they? So, with much anticipated fan-fare, this one is for the ladies, and gentlemen, looking for that rock star, classy, cool vibe that even Siri might high-five you for, when one finds themselves in that awkward pastime of navigating the size matters debate.

New and Improved for 2026, Siri and Alexa both agree, this rolls off the tongue with less twisting:

"It's not the mass, it's the method!" Now, you can say a lot, without saying much at all. ;-)

A man and woman are chatting and people watching when suddenly a well endowed man passes. A silence falls over the two, as their heads turn following the gate of the passer-by. The woman, seeing a wave of insecurity washing over her date, breaks the awkward silence with a reassuring affirmation:
"It's not the mass, it's the method!"
In a moment, what may have taken up the rest of the lunch hour, is now time well spent and all is right as rain with the world once more. Instead of a drawn-out diatribe of phonetic flavor crystals, the two are back enjoying each other's company free from vernacular shrapnel... sometimes, words just get in the way of *communication*.

by Ben Devenshire January 2, 2026

That's not faith

You're lying. YOU... Tried to use ✌️✊️✌️✊️The Power of God✌️✊️✌️✊️ to make my life Hell... Juuuust in case.... God wasn't real. That's what you did. That's literally the opposite. And now you're killing yourselves to do ANOTHER✌️✊️✌️✊️ test of faith✌️✊️✌️✊️

Hym Iam "That's not faith. This isn't a test of faith for you, it's vapid stupidity. You're staring at the sky, mouth agate, like a turkey in the rain. You are being fucking stupid. This is the height of folly."

A retard "Faith is GOOD! Nothing else is reeeeeeeeealll!! Blulululululululululu!!!!"

Hym Iam 🤨 "You will just tell yourselves whatever you have to tell yourselves to not have to listen to other people, won't you?"

A retard "BLULULULULULULULULU! YAAAAAAAS!!!! BLULULULULULULULU!!!"

by Hym Iam January 11, 2026

My religion's not like the others

The bu**s**t statement that pushy/self-righteous Bible-thumpers --- no matter what denomination --- hastily tell you in an attempt to reassuringly counter your protest of, "No thanks --- I've never had any luck with religion or churches; everyone there is always arrogant and hypocritical to me, and expects too much of me." Uh-huh... **sure** they are --- believe that, and they'll tell ya another one --- plus they've probably also got some swampland in Florida to sell you. :P

Disgusted teenager: I had a recently "converted" zealot from a local religious group tell me that, "Oh, you'll love us, trust me --- my religion's not like the others that you've had negative experiences with! OUR God is the True God, and He will treat you much better!" Yeah, right --- and the KKK claims to actually a virtuous people-respecting organization as a whole --- "it was just a few radical extremist splinter-groups that were violent, and gave the whole organization a bad name"! It's what they ALL say... just about EVERY group or organization enthusiastically claims to be "different" and "much better than the others", when in reality most of them are just about the same in terms of how they treat you or how they behave.

by QuacksO September 18, 2018