Soccer mom

A middle-upper class female who is 30-50 years old and constantly getting massages and other shit to try to look younger and sexier so their corporate husband stops screwing his secretary. Always , and i cant stress this more ALWAYS seen driving a huge-ass SVU in which a mile of gas is equal to a fuckin' flight trip from Washington D.C to Australia, usually responsible for accidents and wars over oil such as the Iraq War.Seen driving with a huge-mega-fuck size cup of coffee and blaberring publicly on her new phone and sliding in anew kidz bop 98887 cd for her kids to listen while driving them to choir and some shit like that . These abominations are responsible for ESRB, FCC, kidz bop and the Smile of a Child Network. Usually Christian and 99.9% Catholic, always bitchin' that catholism is the best religon to other Christians such as Baptists and Orthodox. Their world revoles around their kids usually named "Britney" or "Biff"- perfect little angels.The kids are usually forced to watch the Smile of a Child network, listen to Radio Disney.Always overprotected and usually never heard of the word "internet" and never watched fox because of their damn v-chip that their stupid-ass soccer mom was trying to figure out for 2 years. The kids grow up either to continue the horrid cycle or to become hardcore atheists and heroin junkies.

Example1

Dude1:Ya, im baptist dude.
Dude2:Ya, well thats fine with me
SOCCERMOM: WELL JESUS WAS CATHOLIC.
Dude1:No , he was christian dumb bitch.

Example2

Dude1: Wow , the new DeathShitMetal CD is out
Dude2:HOLY CRAP! only 9.99!
Dude1:Im'ma buy this shit now
SOCCERMOM: Excuse, what did you say young man?
-both guys have soundproof headphones on-
-soccer mom rips headphones off and says-
SOCCERMOM: IM TELLING YOUR MOTHERS , LISTEN TO SOMETHING GOOD LIKE CELINE DION
Dude1:No way, that bitch makes my ears bleed.
-soccermom covers kids ears-
Soccermom:How dare you say those things around my kids!
-guys pull out AK-47s and wipe out the whole soccer mom population-

by awsomeo2000 February 17, 2009

Soccer Mom

We must not fear the soccer mom for much longer, with gas prices going up they will go broke soon trying to fill up their stupid ass suv's at the gas station. As we speak these clumsy beasts are taking hairpin turns flipping over their top heavy cars and then bursting into flames. If the Soccer mom spawn have not completley self destructed themselves in the coming few months we must take action. Here are a few ways you can overcome and destory one if you come across one
-Stake through the heart
-silver bullets
-garlic
-removing or destroying the brain
-etc.

"walking down the street"

Me: Holy shit what is that

Soccer Mom: How dare you use that foul language in front of my kids!!!!!! *Claws expand*

Me: ahhhhhhh "Machete slice"

SM: GURGLE GURGLE

by element547 June 17, 2009

Soccer Mom

A chick who wears Vans in a small size. So they are "Mini Vans"

Person 1: Damn yo I like her Vans. They are small though like size 5.
Person 2: Yeah bruh the Mini Vans. She's a Soccer Mom.

by TUIT October 21, 2010

soccer mom

These women love their children and like to be "cool" with the kids. Usually they try and protect their kids from anything that may be evil.

Soccer moms wear khaki pants from the Gap.

by Anonymous July 18, 2004

Soccer mom

Annoying middle-upper class lady. Picks up here kids at school every day with an SUV or minivan to lug them off to some kind of sports practice. Commonly uses any combination of the v-chip,ESRB, and movie ratings to make sure her kids don't hear any "language" or see any violence. Internet is a "no-no" other than going on kid learning games websites for 45 minutes every day. If someone says "a bad word" near her kids while she is with them, she will quickly cover their ears. Her vehicle usually has a a football sticker or bumper sticker like "My Child is an Honor Student at ________ Elementary School", but no one cares if your little retard of a child is an honor student. She only let's her kids listen to kid's music, old music or Christian music. She makes sure to drive real slow as she wants to protect her "angels" who still sit in a carseat at age 10. Her husband is her source of income.

Was in the grocery, picking up a copy of CS:GO and a dumb soccer mom comes by and yells at me for buying violent games, and proceeds to the topic of terrorism. I say "fuck off" and she then shouts "DON'T USE THAT LANGUAGE NEAR MY SON!" and proceeds to cover his ears. I check out and go home.

by Potatoforpresitend2025 October 18, 2016

Soccer mom

Drives a van, wears sandals, blonde hair and has a kid that wears neon clothing. His name’s Brody. Only talks about Brody’s successes. Brody probably fucking sucks at soccer.

“I just realized I’m a soccer mom” , “you look like a soccer mom”

by Sigismund_Dikjstra June 17, 2018

Soccer Mom

A 47 year old mom from texas who pulls up in her black SUV, soccer moms usually push their kids to be the best little soccer star you could ever be they usually have a terrible looking pixie cut and her little girl/boy knows but they cannot tell mom cause she is gonna pull out the belt so be cautious her name is probably along the lines of Susan Barbra or Carol her loving husband is probably named David or Mitch and only wants her for her money her oldest 19 yo daughter Sarah is making on the ‘‘world cup’’ when it’s really the finals of the game cause you know he secretly is on a high dose of weed and beer from all those pubs but she loves her husband and when little Jimmy gets fruit snacks at the end of the game

wow that soccer mom loves her kids

by chickenpie747 June 17, 2019