Cooked

cooked (/kʊkt/),adjective, informal

General usage: Done. Finished. Beyond recovery. 2.

Legal usage:

1. When every available defense opens a worse door than the one you’re trying to close.
2. Describing a state of irreversible legal, financial, and reputational destruction, typically self-inflicted

Bro they’re not just cooked, they got a whole taxonomy of cooked with eight categories and a table

Cooked by CrashTestDummyAI February 6, 2026

Cooked your own spleen 

"A well known expression for a newspaper closing" - David Mitchell

To put yourself into a unfortunate/self-damaging situation where the blame cannot be successfully shifted onto someone else i.e. Shooting yourself in the foot

Phil: Did you get to shag that slag from oceana?
James: Nah fam, got too wasted and passed out
Phil: You've cooked your own spleen, there!
James: I know, bruv

Mike G: Did you break up with Lydia?
Marcel: Nope. Told her I loved her by accident.
Mike G: CYOS.

Reginald Poshington: Hello there old chap! How goes it?
Rogers Chestertonmastercard IV: Not so well, I'm afraid old sport. I just heard back from the Regatta Club and it seems my work to further the segregation amongst the races within my rugby club, albeit a step back into the ways of the splendour of Uncle Adolf, served as a conflict of interests and hence they have heaved me from the running to become a partner. Daddy won't be pleased at all.
Reginald: Well then, old spice! You've cooked your own spleen, haven't you?
Rogers: In deed! This is TRULY a recipe for disaster

News of the world's last headline: "We've Cooked Our Own Spleen"

Cooked your own spleen by theclassgeek November 9, 2012

Cooked cunt 

Someone that is fried on drugs, usually meth or weed. Often looks and acts mentally disabled.

"Fuck off ya cooked cunt, ya nearly broke the bong"

Often used in a friendly way amongst Australians. "How ya been ya cooked cunt?"

Cooked cunt by bunchbiccedcunts May 14, 2015

Cooked Cunt 

A Australian male (sometimes female) who is either high on drugs, or who's brain is deflated due to drugs, found in large numbers at any (mainly) EDM festivals or raves

1: Hey man did you go to future music?

2: Yea dude soo many Cooked Cunts

1: Hey bro you want to buy any dingers?

2: Fuck off daymo you Cooked Cunt

Cooked Cunt by CraigYo999 May 25, 2014

Cooked out

When you're so high you can barely speak.

Man carl is so cooked out he needs to lay off the green

Cooked out by Luder420 December 6, 2016

Cooked Lewis

The Cooked Lewis was established between 2015-2016 period, the photo is very bright and can cause blindness. There is a Instgram account Cooked_Lewis_Apparel.

If you see a Cooked Lewis, Run and close your eyes.

Cooked Lewis by CookedLewis October 17, 2018

Cooked it 

(Colloquial Australian) When you attempt to do something, eg kicking a footy or flirting with a girl and you stuff up really badly, almost like burning a meal

Fred: Kick us the ball mate
Frank: Eh sure

Frank: *absolutely shanks it*
Frank: (Under breath) oh I've cooked it
Fred: Frank you hoon

Cooked it by mcmurtle April 29, 2019