Crab-Wank

To squat down on your toes, reaching under the leg to masturbate in a downward motion.
Common sport amongst contractors working away from home. Of an evening, should they be feeling frisky and risky, they may strip off, carefully climb up on to the B&B’s sink rim, tiptoes on the unsupported edge. Whilst in this expert position he may decide to crab-wank one out whist his face/eye is pressed against the mirror, eyeballing himself until completion.

Martin: How was your evening Andy?
Andy: Pretty tragic really.
Martin: But I thought you had your night planned? Kebab and a crab-wank you said??
Andy: The kebab was great and I was after a thrill before bed.
Martin: What’s tragic about that? Did you manage the expert?
Andy: Almost, but the sink came off the wall and I couldn’t finish.
Martin: Still, better than Steve last year, his sink shattered and cut his femoral artery.

Andy: Hummnn, I may go back to the floor for a bit…

by Goatboy Grasshead June 8, 2021

gramp wank

masturbation session that goes on for so long that all enjoyment and horniness is eventually lost

Yeah I got home after ten JD and coke and had me a gramp wank

by userpthat December 5, 2016

Wank Blank

When you leave someone on read on blank them, simply because you are wanking/jacking yourself off

Dude Sarah just Wank Blanked me

by Creator of The Dictionary December 8, 2019

Wank Murder

Suicide, taking one’s own life, onanicide

“Did John kill himself?”

“Yes he committed, Wank Murder”

by Kyle Pseudo October 16, 2019

Burglar Wank

Pleasuring yourself to climax whilst your partner lays asleep next to you in bed (in the dark)

You won't believe it Raymondo, but I had a burglar wank last night and my wife didn't even stir. Came from the bottom of my bollocks mate

by aljazmin November 12, 2021

Champagne wank

When masturbating and as you are about to finish, you put two hands on and shake like champagne.

Friend: Congrats on your award man
Me: Thanks, I’m going to go celebrate with a champagne wank.

Friend: *laughing* well that’s one way to celebrate.

by JB dick-tionary May 4, 2020

Wank metal

A person or group of highly technical metal musicians who wank over the speed and technicality of their music but nobody else cares. Typically those djent musicians who post videos of them playing highly technical guitar pieces from their moms basement.

"Here's my new guitar play-through guys, look how big my dick is! please excuse my sloppyness hehe"
"Oh another wank metal video "

by wank metal April 17, 2019