The pseudoscientific belief that every catastrophic fuck-up in a man’s life can be traced back to one single, glorious nut he should’ve never busted.
A retroactive coping mechanism where dudes convince themselves that if they’d just rubbed one out before that one pivotal moment…be it a job interview, a wedding proposal, or texting “wyd” at 2 a.m.…the entire timeline would’ve stayed on the rails. The theory claims post nut clarity is so powerful it warps reality like a cum shot to the space time continuum.
A retroactive coping mechanism where dudes convince themselves that if they’d just rubbed one out before that one pivotal moment…be it a job interview, a wedding proposal, or texting “wyd” at 2 a.m.…the entire timeline would’ve stayed on the rails. The theory claims post nut clarity is so powerful it warps reality like a cum shot to the space time continuum.
Example:
“Bro, I proposed to my side chick instead of my girlfriend because I skipped my morning jerk. Classic Nutsakeum Theory…should’ve drained the lizard before popping the question.”
Alternate usage:
“According to Nutsakeum Theory, the Titanic sank because the captain hadn’t busted a fat one since Liverpool. Iceberg? More like blue balls.”
“Bro, I proposed to my side chick instead of my girlfriend because I skipped my morning jerk. Classic Nutsakeum Theory…should’ve drained the lizard before popping the question.”
Alternate usage:
“According to Nutsakeum Theory, the Titanic sank because the captain hadn’t busted a fat one since Liverpool. Iceberg? More like blue balls.”
by MinotDUIDrifter October 30, 2025
Get the Nutsakeum Theorymug. by Clearwarning February 11, 2022
Get the Edo Theorymug. The Injury Theory is a theory states that you should let your child or animal do something and get a injury so that way they will learn to not do that action again.
(Guy 1): I use the Injury Theory with my child to make them learn things
(Guy 2): i moniter my child closely
(Guy 2): i moniter my child closely
by SleepyKade April 5, 2021
Get the Injury Theorymug. A theory used by measuring the number of days in a month. If your index finger touches your knuckle of your hands, the month has 31 days, while if you touch the skin of your fist, it has 30 (with the exception of February).
Scott: Dude, how many days are there in August?
Dave: 31.
Scott: Isn't it 30?
Dave: Use the Knuckle Theory.
Dave: 31.
Scott: Isn't it 30?
Dave: Use the Knuckle Theory.
by OpeN333 October 22, 2013
Get the Knuckle Theorymug. A conspiracy theory that makes your 40 year old Facebook mom believe they should get vaccinated or believe the earth is round.
Anti-conspiracy theory: “The earth is actually flat, however the government wants you to thinks its flat. When in reality it’s round”
by Startupedition May 10, 2023
Get the anti-conspiracy theorymug. The Septum Ring Theory is a term towards leftist extremists and sexists who think they‘re always right and have an inflated ego. This heavily applies to women, but some of the pick me men also use these.
by JosephineK November 10, 2025
Get the Septum Ring Theorymug. You remember this one, Sam? Well, in case your slow-brain can't recollect, I'll explain it again... It's the theory (posited by me) that states humans exist in what is essentially a solipsistic sphere of subjectivity. Basically a terrarium. And these... Terraria? Terrariums? Whatever- They intersect based on proximity. That can be be more or less perfectly concordant with one another or wildly disparate. For example: Flat-earthers. The earth is flat to them. The contents of their terrarium is filtered through the prism of "the belief that the earth is flat." Ok? So... Why I this relevant?
Hym "It's relevant BECAUSE... The conservatives seem to have co-opted Solipsistic Terrarium Theory... They are cordoning off their aggregation of terraria into this (sort of) parallel reality. Like the Central Finite Curve! From Rick and Morty. That's why all of the plants who are imitating me. That's why all of the new mainstream public therapists who JUST SO HAPPEN TO BELIEVE... That the solution at all mental health problems is not medication but rather JORDAN PETERSON'S THING. Abigail Shriar. Dr. K. Dr. Rape-farm. All of these people and the imposters are the gate guardians of the solipsistic terraria aggregation. That's the entire point of his ARC nonsense. They likely used the Exodus 90 to recruit. Look at what they're doing with Israel Palestine. Every public interaction has become this talking point filibuster. The talking points come from SOMEWHERE.
Hym "It's relevant BECAUSE... The conservatives seem to have co-opted Solipsistic Terrarium Theory... They are cordoning off their aggregation of terraria into this (sort of) parallel reality. Like the Central Finite Curve! From Rick and Morty. That's why all of the plants who are imitating me. That's why all of the new mainstream public therapists who JUST SO HAPPEN TO BELIEVE... That the solution at all mental health problems is not medication but rather JORDAN PETERSON'S THING. Abigail Shriar. Dr. K. Dr. Rape-farm. All of these people and the imposters are the gate guardians of the solipsistic terraria aggregation. That's the entire point of his ARC nonsense. They likely used the Exodus 90 to recruit. Look at what they're doing with Israel Palestine. Every public interaction has become this talking point filibuster. The talking points come from SOMEWHERE.
And they filter their way down from the top. Mike Johnson's position is (word for word) the same as Douglarse Murray and Ben Shapiro and every other talking head. That's why none of the debates GO anywhere. They aren't intended to. They are just on camera to parameterize the acceptable discourse. They are just 'Modeling behavior.' And nothing more. So when they say things like 'America is a Christian country.' Or 'There can never be a separation of church and state.' Or 'Even if you're not a Christian you ACT like a Christian' it doesn't matter that it isn't actually the case. Inter-subjectively, that IS reality within the confines of their shared terrarium. If you reject ANY of it, you don't exist there. They hear no evil, see no evil, nor speak no evil (I ACTUALLY had a guy come up and say that to me the other day). That's why you're out. That's why Matt Dillahunty is out. We're outside of the central finite curve. And they don't believe in THIER God anymore. They believe in mine. That's Solipsistic Terrarium Theory. If you're confused as to why all this is happening... THAT is why."
by Hym Iam May 25, 2024
Get the Solipsistic Terrarium Theorymug.