Jesus Chatline

A religious chat line run by two pastors, Richard Burnish and Steven Chilton. It is commonly trolled by channel 4 users and people who have nothing else to do, like the reader who looked this definition up.

Bob: Hey, whats that religious streaming service called?

Mike: Oh, Jesus Chatline!

by Dank Tellituby May 13, 2017

black jesus

Something that white people hate and can not admit since the real Jesus was black.

White Person: Jesus was black? NO WAY! TIME FOR SUICIDE!

by bebo January 10, 2005

Jesus shoes

flip flops or sandals, must have a strap between one or more toes, can be any material but leather is prefered

he came back from the beach and is still wearing his jesus shoes

by oneofone May 9, 2013

Fuck Jesus

What you say when you fuck Jesus

"YO, I JUST FUCKED A JESUs!"

by Chaplin Sinatra Fonzarelli March 23, 2005

Jesus class

A required class in catholic private schools, most often pertaining in some way to a god-and-man hybrid. Usually accompanies discrimination against women, other religions, homosexuals, etc. Generally the classes, intentionally or not, use inaccurate history and facts. Typically teachers are ignorant as to actual origins of feast days, traditions, holidays, and the like. Frequently denies scientific theories.

"Aly, why aren't you praying?"

"It's quite simple. Though your 'Jesus class' says otherwise, religion is fundamentally opposed to everything I hold in veneration--courage, clear thinking, honesty, fairness, and, most of all, the truth."

by Natsuki October 1, 2008

Jesus fucking

When you fuck so hard and fast that you die and then revive 3 days later, and then get sent up to god's bedroom to do the same thing there.

Person 1: where the hell am I?
God: in my bedroom
Person 1: how did I die?
God: Jesus fucking...
Person 1: what?! Why am I in your bedroom
God: cause someone who can Jesus fuck only appears every 2 thousand years, now get in bed...

by A complete joke April 23, 2017

Mauled by Jesus

Puts a hangover to shame. Very similar, minus alcohol. You could have waken up feeling totally exhausted after a night of hard partying/dancing, so sore in fact the only thing in the known universe that could cause such tremendous discomfort and pain would be Jesus mauling you.

*next day after party*
Alex: Duuude...that party was intense...how would you describe it?
Connor: I don't remember, but the pain suggests at one point i was mauled by Jesus

by bobbert the ghost eating toast August 22, 2011