A colloquial term for an arborist from upstate NY or other back woods place who employs felons, particularly, registered sex offenders.
He first verifies that they are indeed registered sex offenders - or at a minimum convicted felon - and then he gives them unsupervised access to chainsaws and wood chippers. Sometimes accidents happen and there end up fewer felons than they started with, so it's not all bad.
Other times - well, felons with chainsaw... The possibilities are endless, and some aren't so great.
He first verifies that they are indeed registered sex offenders - or at a minimum convicted felon - and then he gives them unsupervised access to chainsaws and wood chippers. Sometimes accidents happen and there end up fewer felons than they started with, so it's not all bad.
Other times - well, felons with chainsaw... The possibilities are endless, and some aren't so great.
Bro "Brah, where can I get a job? I just I'm on parole, so nobody's gonna hire me."
Brah "Bro, go work for Felon's Tree Removal. They'll hire ya. They literally only hire felons."
Bro "Nah, Bra, they won't let me do anything. I'm a felon."
Bra "The hell they won't! You'll get your own chainsaw, wood chipper, shit, you'll probably get your own shotgun to protect you from choopacobras and parole officers."
Brah "Bro, go work for Felon's Tree Removal. They'll hire ya. They literally only hire felons."
Bro "Nah, Bra, they won't let me do anything. I'm a felon."
Bra "The hell they won't! You'll get your own chainsaw, wood chipper, shit, you'll probably get your own shotgun to protect you from choopacobras and parole officers."
by Double take July 10, 2025
Get the Felon's Tree Removal mug.An arborist in upstate NY who employes felons.
Felon: "hey Carl, you hiring?"
Carl: "Yeah Dude, can you run a chainsaw?"
Felon: "fuck yeah dude! I got tons of experience in that! I chainsawed my girlfriend into pieces. That's how I got my first felony!"
Carl: "Right on. When can you start?"
Felon: "Right after I get that body out of my trunk... Can I run the wood chipper too?"
Carl: "Of course. You at clearly qualified and trustworthy. Welcome to Fellon's Tree Removal."
Carl: "Yeah Dude, can you run a chainsaw?"
Felon: "fuck yeah dude! I got tons of experience in that! I chainsawed my girlfriend into pieces. That's how I got my first felony!"
Carl: "Right on. When can you start?"
Felon: "Right after I get that body out of my trunk... Can I run the wood chipper too?"
Carl: "Of course. You at clearly qualified and trustworthy. Welcome to Fellon's Tree Removal."
by Double take July 10, 2025
Get the Fellon's Tree Removal mug.Basically, a child in their own family that suffers from parentification and is a scapegoat, like their sole existence is being born into the family just so they can be a punching bag that has to take everything, every insult, every hit from siblings, etc.
Your younger sibling is currently swearing and cursing the living fuck out of you? Your parents scold you instead of the sibling.
Your sibling just thundercunted a sphere of pure tungsten towards you? No biggie, your parents are gonna say you’re sensitive and that it was a soft poke.
Did you just give your sibling a light slap or even a family friendly way of cussing like “frick you”? You’re gonna experience an emotional, psychological and maybe even a physical equivalent of getting your head bashed into a pulp onto a tree, because you’re worthless in the family, how could you forget?
Your younger sibling is currently swearing and cursing the living fuck out of you? Your parents scold you instead of the sibling.
Your sibling just thundercunted a sphere of pure tungsten towards you? No biggie, your parents are gonna say you’re sensitive and that it was a soft poke.
Did you just give your sibling a light slap or even a family friendly way of cussing like “frick you”? You’re gonna experience an emotional, psychological and maybe even a physical equivalent of getting your head bashed into a pulp onto a tree, because you’re worthless in the family, how could you forget?
by Buttersphere July 12, 2025
Get the Meg Griffin treatment mug.A tree trimming service from Chazy NY who hires felons - preferably registered sex offenders - to trim your bushes and peep in your windows.
Felon's Tree Removal does a great job as long as you don't mind rapists and murders peeping in your windows and casing the joint.
by Read it! July 14, 2025
Get the Felon's Tree Removal mug.by goofygoob24 July 20, 2025
Get the The Hadrian Treatment mug.When someone is so fucking weird you have to combine words you didn’t even know you would use to describe them.
“Yo That girl over there is fine as fuck, I’ll eat her dead skin cells on her feet.”
“Yo you freaky deaky leaky treaky ass- WHAT THE FUCK?!”
“Yo you freaky deaky leaky treaky ass- WHAT THE FUCK?!”
by SupaDupaFreaky August 29, 2025
Get the Freaky Deaky Leaky Treaky mug.Used to describe being in a messy, stressful, or difficult part of a situation. It is used in a person's everyday struggles.
by aceofspades63 September 9, 2025
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