Everyone is Twelve Now

A social theory describing the phenomenon where adults in American society display the emotional maturity, decision-making skills, and behavioral patterns of twelve-year-olds.

Origin: Coined by Patrick Cosmos (@veryimportant.lawyer on Bluesky) as a "unified theory of American reality" that went viral on social media in 2025.

Example 1: "Did you see how that guy threw a tantrum when his coffee order was wrong? Everyone is twelve now."

Example 2: "'Everyone is twelve now', she complained, when in response to HuffPost’s query about who suggested Budapest, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt responded, 'Your mom did', and White House communications director Steven Cheung replied: 'Your mom'."

by patchmonkey October 17, 2025

Everyone who deserves credit

That's me. And if it isn't me your kids don't deserve to live.

Hym "Everyone who deserves credit and payment had better be me because I'll be ready to go by next tax season."

by Hym Iam November 11, 2025

Someone for Everyone

Something ugly men are told repeatedly in order to keep them simping.

40yr old ugly guy: I never been on a date lol
Person 2: awww keep trying, there's someone for everyone..

by Based Fiend March 18, 2021

And then everyone clapped

Used to show doubt or general disbelief of an event that a person has described. Typically used on stories where the event taking place is completely illogical and the creator of the story is making it for attention.

User1: My jr high school principal told me to get involved in something. I asked "Like student body president?" The principal said "With your long hair and bad attitude, you wouldn't get 2 votes" I asked "If I get elected, will you resign?" I won with 828-56. He resigned.
User2: And then everyone clapped, applauded, and carried you to your car.

by Ministry June 8, 2018

Not everyone can eat sandwiches

Pointless nitpicking of a solution - especially with a cover of SJW-style pretentiousness masked as inclusivity. Like if someone had responded to "maybe I'll provide sandwiches for the office lunch," with "not everyone can eat sandwiches - what if they can't lift the bread with their hands because they're disabled, or what if their religion forbids sandwiches, or what if sandwiches are a trigger?"

Sue: "So I suggested maybe the girls from bookclub would like a movie night to see the film of the book we just read, and Karen kept going on about how we needed to check to make sure there weren't any triggers in the movie, and see if we needed to post a flashing-lights warning."

Bob: "Does anyone in the bookclub actually need that?"

Sue: "No. She just likes being a Not Everyone Can Eat Sandwiches pain in the ass."

Bob: "I hear you. I got a guy at the office who says it would be unfair to offer team lunches as a reward for people because it excludes those who practice intermittent fasting. We don't even have anyone that does that - but hey, he says one day we might, and then that person might feel excluded."

by Mai Ainsel April 7, 2021

fuck everyone

The idea that you are fed up and can't stand anyone anymore. It's a normal response to this cruel world filled with (for the most part) selfish people.

Person 1: How are you doing?
Person 2: Bad.
Person 1: Why?
Person 2: Because my life sucks.
Person 1: Why?
Person 2: Because people suck.
Person 1: Why?
Person 2: Because you suck. Fuck you and everyone else.

fuck everyone fuck the world everyone sucks the world sucks people suck

by Daredevil123 April 10, 2016

Good News Everyone!

Something announced to a large group of people, presented in a positive manner but is almost always NOT good news.

"Good news everyone! It's a suppository!"

by Good Samaratin December 1, 2013