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jesus on a cracker

Funny phrase which indicates you are surprised.
"Our math final is tomorow" "JESUS ON A CRACKER!"
by John December 15, 2004
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Jesus Freak Scenario

Meeting a cute girl who seems like she's into you only to be completely turned off from her upon reading that she describes herself as a "jesus freak" on her facebook/myspace.
dude1: "Hey man, how's it going with that chick you've had your eye on for a while?"

dude2: "total jesus freak scenario man. don't bring that shit up"
by asdfasdf212 September 28, 2011
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Jesus Take The Wheel

When one is to drunk to drive while still insiting on driving, allows a higher power to do the driving for them. It stems from the popular Carrie Underwood song with the title of the same name.
"I know drinking and driving is wrong so that is why i let Jesus take the wheel, whenever I drive home drunk, he'll guide me home safely"
by St. Jason, The Great April 15, 2008
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Jesus Hot

The form of hotness
That is so damn hot, it can only be described as "Jesus Hot"
"Dang, Suzie, is hotter than hot now she's all grown up"
"Some might say she's, JESUS HOT,that Suzie"
by kimmy booth March 4, 2005
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Just Jesus January

In contrast to No Nut November and Destroy Dick December, the month of January is given to Jesus. All sexual acts must be committed under his watchful, sultry eyes, preferably with his divine image as inspiration.
"Hey dude, let's go watch some porn and jack off together!"

"No way dude, it's Just Jesus January. I only jack for Jesus."
OR

"Alright dude, but only if it has a scripturally accurate portrayal of Jesus in it. After all, it's Just Jesus January!"
by Pseudonymous Smosh December 3, 2018
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filthy Jesus

When one performs anal intercourse while moaning a "hail Mary."

Afterwards the male withdraws his fecal covered penis and scrapes off a sample of the blessed shit with two fingers and smears it in the shape of a cross on the subject's forehead as a priest would.
"I stayed late after church and old Father Monroe gave me a filthy Jesus ...The stench was unbearable and it still won't wash off. Crazy enough, I haven't missed church since."
by Komodai April 25, 2006
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Jesus Cookie

A euphamism for penis. The term is used in situations where regular terms may be blocked. Not to be confused with communion wafers.
I saw Bob rubbing his Jesus Cookie. It was hot.
by dgw November 24, 2007
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