A rare character defined by his colossal mass and wealth of useless information which covers every topic that you
don't want to hear about. Talents include reciting entire URL addresses and quoting from 'How I
Met Your Mother'. Despite his lack of ability with maths, Mikes in general are renowned for their superior skill in monitoring debts to the exact penny. Talents do not include knowing how to shit properly, a basic human function he seems to struggle with more than showering. This leads to a smell so pungent it could
kill the smell of a
dead animal, as
well as said
dead animal - which will probably have shit smeared on it, in the same fashion as his door/bathroom wall/bathroom door handle/everything in bathroom apart from
bowl. Eating habits include everything that is processed and chemically engineered, although the species of Mike
may occasionally advance to feasting upon 'peanut butter and jelly sandwiches', one of the many Americanisms he has adopted. Mikes
may be falsely recognised as slugs, a species that share similar qualities with Mikes; however, it is unlikely that one
may spot a Mike as they rarely emerge from the
dark dank recesses of their beds. There are several matings calls used by Mikes, which vary from the 'How I Met Your Mother' theme tune to the sound of the fridge door opening; more often than not, it is the sound of an unsuspecting taxpayer opening his/her wallet, or withdrawing
money from a cashpoint which attracts a Mike to a prospective victim.
Person 1: Hey Mike, hows thi..
A Mike: YOU OWE ME £2.74!!!!!
Person 1: ings?
Person 1: I laughed so hard I
shat myself
Person 2: Yeah it was so funny I Miked everywhere.
Person 1: Urgh, I had such a Mike
day today
Person 2: What did you do?
Person 1: Played
dead for 14 hours.
