Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving

Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving is when, after taking an enormous shit, you pre-emptively stick your hand down in the toilet water and break up the gigantic turd BEFORE you flush, therefore avoiding an embarrasing overflow situation. Suffice to say, some prepartion is necessary. (If the situation around Uranus requires you to wipe immediately, just "stage" the used toilet paper (TP) on the edge of the bowl and flush them AFTER the crisis has resolved itself. Otherwise, wipe later. 1) Wad up a bunch of TP ahead of time, to be used to clean off your shit-stained finger tips after you've done the deed. 2) Pull your pants half-way up, just in case there is a flood. 3) DIVE!, DIVE!, DIVE! Stick that hand right down in there and start breaking that turd up. Don't be afraid to overdo it. 4) DON'T WIPE YOUR FINGERS OFF YET! Use your clean hand to flush, then quickly cross your fingers for good luck. 5) If all goes well, you've successfully dropped the Cosby Kids off at the pool. Congratulations! If it didn't work, skip Step 6 and proceed immediately to Step 7. 6) Use your pre-saved wad of TP to clean your fingers off, then drop the used TP in the bowl. Proceed to wipe your butt (or if you've pre-wiped, tap in the used TP) and drop the TP in the (now) nearly empty bowl. Whew! 7) If the poop break up did not work (or you were too pussy to do it!), quickly hobble out of the stall to the next stall and finish your paperwork there. Act innocent.

Ollie: Well, Stan, that was a delightful and quite filling meal. Now, if you'll just excuse me for a moment.

Stan: Don't forget about Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving! (smiles sheepishly and scratches top of head).

Ollie: Indeed.

by The Sage Advice Man August 12, 2012

pre

prepubescent, pre-intelligence, basically just another word for IDIOT.

by ... November 4, 2003

pre-fire

That period before actually getting ousted from your job. In politics this often involves leaking a false resignation story to the media to lay the groundwork for the real firing a few days later.

I think I got pre-fired today.

Why?

They moved me to a windowless office in the basement.

by Shuaman September 24, 2018

Pre-CPN

Someone who has yet to begin their career.

They were a group of Pre-CPN people.

I did not go out with a Pre-CPN over the weekend

by engie July 29, 2014

Forbidden Pre

It's not Devin's definition. It's cum.

I ran out of pre-workout for the gym. Time to suckle on that forbidden pre!

by deez nuts joke November 10, 2022

Pre Teen

Annoying little 13 year old girls who only listen to 1D and Justin Bieber. They only watch Disney Channel. They get raped by pedophiles and love to wear pink. They laugh at everything and don't take anything seriously. They only text and their grammar is shit.

Pre Teen 1: OMGZZ DID U HEER ABOUT JOSTIN BEEBERS NU ALBUM?

Pre Teen 2: YAHHH IM LISTENING 2 IT RITE NAO

by Cakeroar December 6, 2013

Pre-mature fag

Term used to define an individual with a lower sense of "maturity". Offensive phrase used against a character described or labeled as a "motherfucker". The weaponry that these individuals habitualy use are sedimentary rocks and comedical phrases that generaly dont make sense and or doltish.

Omar is such a pre-mature fag.

by darknight823 January 29, 2009