Chav Speech

Writing in 'Chav Speech' was actually invented for keyboards and typewriters as a means for taking quicker, easier and effective minutes in a meeting. - Original source: Mr J Swift.

Below is a perfect example of writing 'chav speech'.

if i reli wanted 2 talk proper on ere rite i wud cud but i dont wanna. it fairly obvious tat i can cos gd uni's dnt accpet thicko's. and puttin dear phil, well, just 2 inform u my dear sarcasm is the lowest form of wit and my education is seperate from my social life cos i consider it 2 be quite stuck up thinkin ur above sum1 just cos u speak proper. i have brains love i just exercise it as was n wen i need 2. oh n ur just as phsychic as me, sayin i can only talk in text speak, wen i can actually rite proper, liek i sed.

by LearnSomethingNew March 29, 2009

free speech

Something that does not exist on the internet. All internet postings are at the sole discetion of the owner, regardless of the location of the server or person.

free speech is a joke anyway.

by Kung-Fu Jesus June 9, 2004

speech dialysis

The process or act of trying to filter or censor someones speech. An artificial device or unnatural mindset used to stop the inappropriate comments an individual makes when they lack a natural ability to filter their own thoughts, words, or action.

We're going to my grandma's house to try and find her checkbook or debit card will you please go on speech dialysis so she doesn't think that I hang out with nothing but Savages... don't want to arouse suspicion.

by Charlie Badass October 14, 2020

The Best Friend Speech

The speech given (usually to a guy) by a girl when he's started a relationship with her "best friend"

"Mate, i'm in deep shit... i spent last night with jane but i really am not intrested in a relationship"

"Yeah so what's wrong"

"Ellie gave me the best friend speech"

"she..."

"yeah..., the...'thing is...she's my best friend, if you fuck her around I will castrate you and stick your balls so far down your throat you'll be shitting cum for a month...' speech"

by sickboy101 May 17, 2010

After Dinner Speech

A term given to a long and deliberate expulsion of gas from the anus after a meal, mainly a roast rich in veg, such as Christmas dinner etc, usually performed when in the company of others.

Example 1
Ted-Hey guy’s if you would like to raise your glasses, I have an after dinner speech to make.

Example 2
Wendy-We all had a lovely meal last night and then we all thought Ted was going to make a fitting after dinner speech when he stood up…But he just farted.

by KEJIAN March 2, 2009

Play me or Trade me speech

The speech that comes about 6 months into a dating relationship, where the woman (usually) asks if the relationship will be leading to marriage, and if it isn't, let her find a less commitment phobic suitor. Very similar to a star athlete who is riding the bench asking his manager to "Play me here or trade me to a team that will."

"How are things going with the new girl??"

"Not good, she gave me the Play me or Trade me speech last weekend..."

"After two months of dating?? That is harsh.."

by IrishMike February 22, 2008

Speechy

One who fluently speaks phonetics, and nothing else.

wʌn ˈhuː ˈfluːəntli ˈspiːks fəˈnetɪks, ænd ˈnʌθɪŋ ˈels ɪz eɪ <speechy>

by Azerick February 14, 2012