desk pig

The fat, frumpy, lonely woman who works the front desk at most medical or dental offices whose sole purpose is to keep sales people from accessing the decision-maker. This woman despises anyone who’s thin enough to see their own feet and dresses in only the finest fashions from Dress Barn, Lane Bryant or Torrid. To say she’s plus sized would be like saying Lizzo suffers from anorexia.

The savvy sales professional knows the weakness of the desk pig.. which is food and candy. She is powerless against the sacred aroma of a Panera Pick Three and will melt in your hands if you get her the Cream of Broccoli soup and her own dozen of Krispy Creams.

She doesn’t wear a name tag but you can be certain that her name is Kathleen, Cindy, Sandy, and of course Karen. Beware of her powerful ability to rudely look past your well tailored dress clothes and obvious college degree, Thea etchings don’t impress her. The only conversation she will engage in will be centered around where lunch is coming from or when the next Magic Mike movie is coming out. Never try to discuss business, the weather or exercise with the Desk Pig. 🐷

Assume the desk pig has at least 4 children, is divorced or was never married, lives in subsidized housing, and has at least one butterfly tattoo on her kankle or her wrist with some type of motto like “Live free or Die” or “ Burger King next Exit.”

Hey Craig, I called on Dr X’s Endo practice today for the 17th time but that goddamn desk pig is a relentlessly mean and nasty whore who’s already consumes my entire annual lunch budget. What do I do to get past her and sell a system? I’m trying to save teeth and improve lives out here but this beast is a real air thief!

by BizarreRideonTheFarSide April 20, 2023

Desk Dome

Fellatio performed in conjunction with the act of doing homework.

Guy: Man, all this homework is killing me. I need a stress reliever, but I don't have any time.
Girl: Hmm, I can fix that problem.

Guy: Really? How so?
(girl kneels down)
Girl: Just keep doing your work.
(girl performs blowjob)
Guy: Thanks for the desk dome!!

by gatordomelover September 23, 2010

Desk squeezer

Where you shit your pants and jump as high as you can landing your ass on your desk.

Did you see Christina do a desk squeezer? Shit was everywhere!

by Randirt February 9, 2018

Desk Haircut

To have wild, furious sexual intercourse with or including an individual and his or her secretary

Man 1: "What's John doing?"

Man 2: "Clearly, by the noises being emmited from his office, John is giving his desk a haircut..."

by Brinda Filangi September 7, 2005

Desk Holiday Hangover (DHH)

A Desk Holiday Hangover (DHH) follows a Desk Holiday (DH). After enjoying your sudden desk holiday caused by a non functioning computer or phone, you suddenly find yourself with a backup of desk work that generally requires you to be more busy and stay late in the office that day.

Also see: Desk Holiday

“Sorry babe, I need to cancel our dinner plans tonight, I’m suffering from a Desk Holiday Hangover (DHH)”.

by Elliott G September 26, 2007

Desk nurse

A new breed of nurse who wants to make a nurse's salary but not really have contact with any patients. They go right into management or something that involves not touching a patient. They despise bodily fluids, lifting, pills, call lights and anything that makes them sweat. They love paperwork and making themselves look intelligent and important. And they always complain that their back hurts, but God knows from what we don't know...

Florence Nightingale was a "hands on" nurse who cared for people, not a "desk nurse"

by Nurseman June 10, 2013

Desk Chair

A chair that goes with your desk. Fun to spin around on and mainly used for racing around your house.

"Anyone seen John and Benedict?"
"They're at home trying to race each other on desk chairs."

by Ilovetitties6969 March 2, 2012