Masturbation will make you go blind

Blindness caused from masturbation as a result of ejaculating into oneselfs eyeballs.

Grandma said masturbation will make you go blind

by Yourwrongangel November 3, 2020

Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.

Not only does it make you go blind and grow hair on your palms, but it also kills kittens!

Jeff: What are you doing in there Steve?
Steve: Um...masturbating
Jeff: Steve NO! Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Think of the kittens!

by 89diehl September 26, 2010

Masturbating

Something you do when you need a quick fix because the real thing isn't available.

Jerry: Hey what are you up to?
Frank: I'm masturbating.
Jerry: Ok hit me up when your done.

by Jiggywithit455 June 12, 2022

Audible Masturbation

Talking just to please yourself.

Twitter is a great place to see audible masturbation at work, Or a trump speech.

by Z_PW January 14, 2021

masturbated

fucking yourself

i masturbated yesterday and I came so much

by cummer5000 May 22, 2023

To Masturbate

An attempt to pointlessly satisfy an irrational urge in the short term.

(where in the long term on further reflection you realise it to be truly unsatisfactory)

"Sometimes I try to masturbate a really long or difficult word into a sentence just to feel I'm smarter than I actually am!"

by anonymous January 14, 2021

Third person masturbating

To pleasure oneself in a mirror to a picture of oneself.

I walked into the bathroom to see Chad watching himself in the mirror jerking off to a picture of himself.. he was third person masturbating

by Professional ego striker January 4, 2025