From the vantage point of a rational human with functioning gustatory papillae, the lamb meat in all forms is the gastronomic equivalent of getting kicked in the testicles.
Imagine, if you will, meat that tastes like it’s been marinated in dirty old sweaters, perfumed with a hint of petting zoo after a spring rain, and garnished with the toxic secretions of a cane toad. The consumption of lamb is less a meal and more an elaborate prank gone wrong.
The texture? A true paradox. Somehow it is both sinewy and gelatinous, as though the animal was full of despair and sadness before its untimely demise. And the smell, how in tarnation can it smell that foul? The stench wafts through a home like the ghost of livestock past, clinging to drapes, walls, and assaulting the olfactory senses of every poor soul who is in the vicinity.
Supposed connoisseurs will wax poetic about its “earthy richness” or “rich, robust, and well-balanced flavor” which, when translated from nonsense speak to to honest English, means “sweaty mutton disguised as fine dining”. It is not “delicate,” it is despicable; it is not “robust,” but a belligerent assault on the taste buds.
Lamb should only be served if your guests have wronged you terribly or if you have lost all hope in the potential of food bringing you, or others, joy.
In conclusion, a lamb as a dish is best served NEVER. It is a betrayal of the palate, a disgrace to the kitchen, and a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Imagine, if you will, meat that tastes like it’s been marinated in dirty old sweaters, perfumed with a hint of petting zoo after a spring rain, and garnished with the toxic secretions of a cane toad. The consumption of lamb is less a meal and more an elaborate prank gone wrong.
The texture? A true paradox. Somehow it is both sinewy and gelatinous, as though the animal was full of despair and sadness before its untimely demise. And the smell, how in tarnation can it smell that foul? The stench wafts through a home like the ghost of livestock past, clinging to drapes, walls, and assaulting the olfactory senses of every poor soul who is in the vicinity.
Supposed connoisseurs will wax poetic about its “earthy richness” or “rich, robust, and well-balanced flavor” which, when translated from nonsense speak to to honest English, means “sweaty mutton disguised as fine dining”. It is not “delicate,” it is despicable; it is not “robust,” but a belligerent assault on the taste buds.
Lamb should only be served if your guests have wronged you terribly or if you have lost all hope in the potential of food bringing you, or others, joy.
In conclusion, a lamb as a dish is best served NEVER. It is a betrayal of the palate, a disgrace to the kitchen, and a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Jacob: You should come over for dinner tonight.
Patricia: That sounds lovely, what are we having?
Jacob: A lamb dinner, I was thinking a roast leg of lamb.
Patricia: I just threw up in my mouth.
Jacob: Lamb Souvlaki?
Patricia: I would rather starve.
Jacob: Lamb chops?
Patricia: Que distinguida.
Jacob: Lamb kofta?
Patricia: Que feo.
Jacob: Lamb Shank Ragu?
Patricia: Ohhhh, you know what? I just remembered, I am busy tonight, sorry.
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Fact: There is literally no version of lamb that is not completely disgusting
Patricia: That sounds lovely, what are we having?
Jacob: A lamb dinner, I was thinking a roast leg of lamb.
Patricia: I just threw up in my mouth.
Jacob: Lamb Souvlaki?
Patricia: I would rather starve.
Jacob: Lamb chops?
Patricia: Que distinguida.
Jacob: Lamb kofta?
Patricia: Que feo.
Jacob: Lamb Shank Ragu?
Patricia: Ohhhh, you know what? I just remembered, I am busy tonight, sorry.
-----------------------------------
Fact: There is literally no version of lamb that is not completely disgusting
by Volando Con El Viento April 20, 2025
Get the Lamb dinnermug. A term used during preparation for the Thanksgiving Holliday in which one’ marinates the shaft of their penis in a mixture of dressing and seasoning overnight in a plastic bag. The penis is then removed from the formula the following morning during fixation of the Turkey. The penis then enters the hole of the turkey and thrusting takes place over and over until climax is completed. Next the penis shall drag all across the top of the turkey to removed excess sauces from the spermal marination combo.
Family Friend: Wow! This turkey tastes amazing! What is the secret ingredient?
Me: I tried a completely new method this year when prepping the turkey. I incorporated the Turkish Dinner Dish!
Family Friend: Amazing!!! I thought the turkey tasted extra salty.
Me: I tried a completely new method this year when prepping the turkey. I incorporated the Turkish Dinner Dish!
Family Friend: Amazing!!! I thought the turkey tasted extra salty.
by ProudGateKeeper December 8, 2024
Get the Turkish Dinner Dishmug. by Rice head June 3, 2016
Get the bitch ass dinner rollmug. I went to go down on Blow Job Betty last night and had to back off because I was met with a large waft from her dirty shrimp dinner.
by Lickus Dickliosis April 6, 2017
Get the dirty shrimp dinnermug. A codeword for homosexual men, dating back to the 80s and part of the early 90s. If a man wanted to signal to other homosexuals in a restaurant, he would specifically order a turkey dinner with mashed potatoes and turkey gravy on the side. Then afterwards said homosexual would head out to the nearest secluded area, usually a wooded enviroment.
Jim just ordered the Turkey Dinner with Mashed Potatoes and Gravy on the side, he must be looking for a hookup in the woods.
by FedUpLineCook August 22, 2019
Get the Turkey Dinner with Mashed Potatoes and Gravymug. by massive_schlong January 24, 2017
Get the Dinner Fistmug. by SaltySate October 4, 2016
Get the French dinnermug.