I couldn't stop the swimmers

The simultaneously unfortunate and wonderful feeling that is premature ejaculation

Randy: And then I got in there and it felt soooo sweeet!!
Wally: DUDE!!!
Randy: She looked me in the eye, whispered my name and I couldn't stop the swimmers!!!
Wally: You bitch! Control your jizz!

by von groovy April 13, 2019

Things couldn't get any worse

A magical phrase that makes things get worse.

Dave during 2021: Things couldn't get any worse, right?
Dave: *turns on the tv* A new virus called "Air Aids" has appeared. It originated in San Francisco and started spreading through Atlanta. If you're homosexual, you already have it, and you're gonna die. All straight people and non-faggots shall remain indoors until we get it sorted out.
Dave: Of course. Things CAN get worse.

by Stupid Af July 20, 2021

I couldn't give a flying monkey's arsehole

The combination of two English exclamations, in order to give extra gravitas to the fact that you don't care.

I couldn't give a flying fuck, and I couldn't give a monkey's arsehole.

Karen says she's offended, well I couldn't give a flying monkey's arsehole.

by Rikstir May 30, 2025

You couldn't catch chicken pox in a henhouse!

A less explicit version of "You couldn't catch herpes in a whorehouse!" It means that no matter how hard they try, no one will be able to catch anything.

While a pack of dogs chased a cat, the cat insulted them by saying, "You couldn't catch chicken pox in a henhouse!"

by GallopingSausage April 15, 2019

No you couldn't have

No you couldn't have done it without me and no you didn't. I DID IT. YOU DID NOT. You do not need to reap the benefits of MY existence even a second before I do and YOU ALREADY ARE. You are reaping all of the benefits and you need to stop thanking and start paying because it is MY TURN to reap the benefits of MY work. You said America first. Ok. You ALREADY WERE. America got all they were going to get out of me. AND China I guess. So there. I'm propping up you economy with my own 2 hands. That was me. It matters that it was me and NOT FUCKING YOU. And I both NEED TO and DESERVE to gain because you already have."

Hym "No you couldn't have and you didn't, bitch. No you fucking couldn't have. Sensei was the strongest assassin and was therefore justified in teaching the Assassination Classroom. I was just telling that brunette the other day, do you know why Koro-Sensei is an 🐙? Because I can be quoted saying that 'As far as I'm concerned, I'm essentially a cephalopod wrapped around an exoskeleton.' So, no you fcuking couldn't have done it without me. I'm seeing a push to blackwash EINSTEIN. Like, I have actually seen people trying to say 'Well ackshually 🤓☝️Einstein didn't give his wife enough credit because WOMEN... Can also be smart and also these imaginary people who COULD HAVE DONE WHAT EINSTEIN DID but DIDN'T... COULD HAVE DONE THE THING THAT THEY DIDN'T DO.' But they didn't. So I did the thing. I SHOULD be recognized for doing the thing AND... AAAAND... BELIEVE IT OR NOT... YOU... Are doing things that YOU should not be doing INSTEAD OF ME. That is ALSO a thing that is happening, shit-brain. Because it CAN BE THE CASE that I (Me, this one specifically) should be doing those things and NOT ANYONE FUCKING ELSE."

by Hym Iam November 23, 2025

No, you couldn't have

You have to be able to at least IMAGINE how bizarre it is for ME that you can't accept that you are just not as intelligent as I am.

Hym "No, you couldn't have figured it out. The experts couldn't have. The people that dedicated their lives to doing it couldn't have. Only I could have and I... Could have done it sooner. You could not have. I did."

by Hym Iam June 2, 2025