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to jesus (someone)

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(v) to uninvitedly approach someone and initiate a conversation in public places to talk about how great Jesus is. Often these conversations are begun--or at some point include--statements such as, "If you died today, do you know that you would go to heaven?"
Bill to co-worker: "Have you met the new guy down in the sales department yet?"

Co-worker: "Yeah, yesterday he invited me to lunch and jesused me the whole time."

Bill: "What a fucktard."
by Rick8296 August 31, 2005
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A term used to address an event of either unbelievable, hilarious or ridiculous measure. These 5 words should only be used to address the occurence when it is of huge magnitude.

(Note - heavily accenting the 'Ch' in Christ always adds great emphasis upon deliverance of the phrase.)

First began to circulate in Essex, after a truly remarkable display of football acrobatics during a friendly game of 6-a-side, the phrase has now picked up a few more scenarios to be used in.
1) 'Jesus Shit the Bed Christ! Did you just see that fucking goal?!'

2? 'Jesus Shit the Bed Christ, that truly was the fucking funniest thing I've ever seen.'

3) 'Jesus Shit the Bed Christ, did you just see that bitch spit a Melon out of her arse?!'
by TerranceGrapes April 24, 2011
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jesus slut

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A girl who is incredibly religious and claims to be pure and holy, but also loves a huge helping of (usually black) dick.
"Did you hear about Stacy? Apparently after church she got rammed by three black dudes behind Wal-Mart. What a jesus slut."
by superdupernova September 12, 2013
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jesus string

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A string type object in which case generally a shoe lace is used to make a lasoo type loop then tied around your head to hold your hair in place.Making sure u have only one string of the shoe lace that dangles down usualy at the back or over your shoulder. Which will make you some how look like jesus in some way. Maybe because jesus has long hair and a head band.
Person 1:hey whys that guy got a shoe lace around his head?

Person 2: nah man its cool, its a jesus string, cant u see its holding his hair down from the furious blowing winds.
by G-sis April 11, 2006
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jesus shagger

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ppl who’re heavy christian like lily reid n ma gran x
ma gran’s a right jesus shagger
by 👸🏽heather x January 22, 2021
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- 'Jesus' refers to christ the saviour
- 'shamoly' is an excellent word
- 'holy' links to 'Jesus'
- 'kebabs' is the meaty treat which is likey to give you food poisoning available form your local kebab shop
person 1: ''look, there is a pair of homosexual german men wearing skin-tight lycra catsuits'''

person 2: JESUS SHAMOLY AND HOLY KEBABS
by steph December 20, 2004
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jesus stick

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Jesus Stick. noun. Slang name for you old fella/one eye trouser snake/pork sergeant/penis.
Hey love, do you wanna go for a ride on my jesus stick.
by Kiwi_Tristan August 25, 2005
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