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If…were a person 

“If…were a person” is a catch all formulaic phrase designed to foreground the actions of a person as so definitive that their picture should be found under the definition of the word or phrase.

If used correctly the verb “to be” used in the sentence should be conjugated in the English Subjunctive tense because it presupposes a condition that does not actually exist preceded by the word: “if”.

Any number of colorful phrases can be used to complete this word formula. The only limit is the imagination of the observer.
Correct ways of using the formula: “If…were a person.”

If “cock blocking” were a person it would look like Joe Manchin vs.Biden’s attempts at legislation.

If “too soon” were a person it would look like Pete Davidson sending a selfie to Kanye West from Kim Kardashian’s bed after smashing.
Related Words

Cassock Wearer 

This is a term that was originally applied, not to clergy, but to a female with an unsightly arse. The arse in question might be fat, lopsided or saggy, it could be overly skinny or have strange looking lumps and bumps on it, or it may just not look right. Any of these attributes would turn her into a cassock wearer. It all goes back to a saying that started in England just after World War II. At that time, most people went to church and would kneel for prayers on a sort of cushion called a hassock. These hassocks could be lopsided or saggy, frequently skinny and often had strange looking lumps on them. Somebody made the comparison of an unsightly female arse to a hassock and from this grew the rhyme “with an arse like a hassock she should wear a cassock”, which was shortened to cassock wearer. It has now become a term applied generally to an unprepossessing female.
“Have you seen Mickey’s latest?”
Oh shit, yeah! A right cassock wearer.”
Cassock Wearer by AKACroatalin September 4, 2016

kacchan we were five 

BakuDeku audio which kept being taken down on youtube because it’s quite ✨cursed✨

It can be used as a trigger to weebs.

They will feel quite uncomfortable after hearing just those 5 words.
“You sure your mom isn’t home.“
“Yeah I’m sure.“
“That’s what you said last time she caught us.“
“But Kacchan we were five.”

They Tried to Bury Us; but, They Didn’t Know We Were Seeds 

They Tried to Bury Us but They Didn’t Know We Were Seeds — the battle cry of minority communities across America that explains the reasons they flourish in spite of: racism, gerrymandering, systematic oppression, and initial poverty.

Don’t you know that if you bury a seed it will put down roots and grow stronger.
Message to The Republican Party from the minority communities of America: They Tried to Bury Us; but, They Didn’t Know We Were Seeds. The more you oppress us; the stronger we will become.

And they were roommates 

Originally a line from a Vine.

It now usually refers to straight people ignorantly misinterpreting gay/lesbian situations.
Person1: I saw a picture of Jim and John holding each other lovingly on Facebook, they must be good friends.

Person2: “and they were roommates

two nukes weren't enough 

when anime goes to far you can use this phrase to emphasize that this anime should not exist and would not exist had more than 2 nuked been dropped on japan at the end of ww2
This anime is trash, two nukes weren't enough.