A town situated in
Southern Ontario on Georgian Bay. Sandwiched between the ass-cheeks of Blue Mountain and Wasaga Beach, the population is divided between 50% children who have a SoundCloud, (and will probably overdose at the age of 20), and 50% rich elders from Toronto. Majority of the population of Collingwood will most likely migrate due to the increase of house pricing, thanks to the 68 year old's named Tony, moving from their mansion in Toronto to their mansion in Collingwood. These 68 year old's named Tony, are most of the time, certified geniuses, but somehow manage to drive like fucking morons in their BMW. This place is perfect for you if you happen to be a Caucasian white female, as you can find all the kids with perms, chains, and a skateboard at Collingwood to grind your yeast infection onto. On the other end of
the spectrum of kids in Collingwood, are girls who dye their hair blue and post sad edits of Bart Simpson from the show 'The Simpsons'. Their Spotify playlist is 50% dead rappers who they found out after they had died, and 50% reverbs of songs from the exact same rapper. They call themselves depressed, but in actually they just lack the attention they want. Half the time these people also go by names that they weren't given to at birth. I
swear to god if I meet
one more person named Lunar, Sparkle, Silver, or
Rainbow Dash, I will literally crucify myself by my foreskin.
Person 1: Hey, want to go to Collingwood?
Person 2: I would rather have Dwayne Johnson shove his penis down my
esophagus, while having
Manny Pacquiao practice his boxing skills on my
testicles, than go to Collingwood.
