Telecoprolism 

The statistically anomalous tendency for the telephone to ring while you are having a shit. Extensive studies have shown that the phone of any individual has, at any given time, a 500% higher chance of ringing while its owner is evacuating his/her bowels than during other common everyday tasks such as masturbation, hoovering and chimping. Some schools of thought consider telecoprolism to be a subset of the Sod's Law principle. The others don't really consider such issues to be a worthy use of academic time and resources.

I was just settling down for my morning log and got telecoprolised by the bank again. Bloody telecoprolism, eh?

Telecoprolism by Lancaster's Second Finest August 15, 2011

telescreen 

From George Orwell's 1984. It's a wall-mounted electronic device that doubles as a television and a surveillance camera. Used by the Thought Police to monitor the citizens.

We're probably about 10 years away from having telescreens - or their equivalent - installed in all our homes. God Bless America.

telescreen by Mack June 23, 2004

Telescoping 

A form of urethra play, in which an individual with a very large penis is fucked in the urethra by someone with a smaller penis

Dude#1“Bro u ever stick a cotton bud up in ya dickhole? Shits dope”

Dude#2“Bitch please u ever try telescoping? Get yo dick out and lemme fuck your dick with my dick”

Telescoping by Shittybottomus November 28, 2018

TETESCOPHER 

A professional gambler. The word was coined in a popular Nigerian comedian/activist's skit in which ex-BBN housemante Tobi Bakare claimes to be into teteschophy.

Damn bro I'm no tetescopher but I'll stake everything on Nigeria beating Ghana in their next match

TETESCOPHER by @bobmanuel_g December 24, 2022

telescoping 

to masturbate into a tube and then ejaculate through the tube into someones eye

i was banging this bird last night. grabbed a toilet roll tube and proceeded in some telescoping

telescoping by luvchild1 September 22, 2009

Teleshopping 

Channels dedicated to pointless gadgets you will never need, unbelievably fake photoshopped images, patronizing rhetorical questions and the worst actors on the face of the earth.

Teleshopping:

**HEY! Are you a fat loser with no friends?**

Guy at home: No.

**Then you need,THE FAT-BUSTER-CARDIO-CRUNCHER-ABS-BUILDER-FRIEND-FINDER 3000! It was £300 but you can get now for just £299.99!
Just Call: 0800-IMAFATLOSERWITHNOFRIENDSANDNEEDTHEFATBUSTERCARDIOCRUNCHERABSBUILDERFRIENDFINDER3000PLS Terms and conditions apply batteries not included.**

Teleshopping by Ashleyy(: February 20, 2009

telescopic swaphook 

A male reproductive organ, which seems small or regular in size in the beginning, but can extend to unsuspected lengths

Girl: "Your wiener looks so small"
Boy: "Well watch my telescopic swaphook do the Hubble, baby"
Girl: * slurp *

telescopic swaphook by Linguistian July 25, 2008