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Read a book 

A phrase you say when you have to go poop. The phrase comes from the usual act of reading a magazine, book or newspaper while pooping.
"Don't go in the bathroom. I just read a book."

"I'm gassy. I have to read a book"
Read a book by Vbui717 June 9, 2014

I can read a map 

Used to express understanding of a situation or when something seems very obvious to you.
"Did you feel the tension in that room? I wonder if something is going on between those two."
"Yeah, I can read a map."
or
"Hey, I don't know if I was being too subtle but I would like to spend some 'quality time' with you later, if you know what I mean."
"yeah, I can read a map."
I can read a map by chaOS January 22, 2014

go read a book 

leave/go home/masturbate/shut up

origin: San Anselmo, CA, THE CHAMBER
i'll meat up with you guys kater i gotta read a book

god your being annoying just go read a book!
go read a book by Larry July 29, 2004

read a book 

v.

code word for smoking pot when in a public area and trying to keep it on the down-low
-in a public area-
Man#1 "Dude studying for the finals was killer and I need something to help me relax"
Man#2 -pulls out a lighter- "You down to read a book with me?"
Man#1 "SURE!"
read a book by MonstaKev March 8, 2010

read-a-book-itis 

(n.) a serious disease where inflamation occurs in certain parts of the brain which causes people to read books or have the idea.
Due to a professor's teachings, I have become infected with read-a-book-itis
read-a-book-itis by anonymous_two November 3, 2008

Read a Magazine 

The performance, or planned performance, anticipation of performance of having mind blowing sex to the point of you questioning if it really did happen. Almost like innocently sitting down and reading a magazine.

Symptoms: you lose 30 minutes to an hour of your time, track of time, you limbs feel like they are going to fall off, you can't stand properly, question if it really happened, but your mind thinks you sat down to read a magazine.
When she sat on the couch in front of him, her mind was already getting ready to read a magazine.

Get ready to read a magazine baby, as I have a feeling as soon as you are infront of me I will be getting to read.