Jesus fucked a monkey! 

Phrase used when a pub door swings back and nearly dislodges the pyramid of glasses being carried back to table, or when a twat cyclist speeds through a red light at a pedestrian crossing and almost kills you, or practically anytime 'fuckin hell', 'you fuckin twat', or 'shiiiiiiit' simply doesn't cut the mustard.
Used sparingly, it's effective, offensive and infectious.

Jesus fucked a monkey!, watch out twat.

Jesus fucked a monkey! by TauntonJah November 5, 2019

the man who fucked the monkey 

The man who fucked the monkey which gave us aids. Someone who represents the pinnacle of human crapulence. A term reserved for the most joyless wastes of protoplasm that shit all over the earth, sell us the bucket and order us to clean it up.

So Mr Cameron, we have chronic inner city decay, one million children being brought up in abusive homes and young men coming back from Afghanistan in bits. What do you plan to do about it?

Tax cuts for the rich.

You are the man who fucked the monkey which gave us aids

the man who fucked the monkey by DocFlox March 22, 2010

Fucked a monkey 

1. a) To do something inadvertently that causes catastrophic events. b) To unknowingly create an epidemic.

Guy 1: "Dude some girl puked in the fryer at my Mcjob today"

Guy 2: "Damn she really fucked a monkey"

Guy 1: "No kidding, no one got fries for the rest of the day"

Fucked a monkey by xzekiel June 7, 2009

fucked-up fuckup monkey fuck 

Phrase made necessary by those people or situations that have surpassed conventional methods of assessment.

fucked up Def #1/5 fuck up Def #4 monkey fuck Def #1

1. An inept person who is totally incapable of living without fucking up or messing up everything within their grasp.
One whose actions has culminated in the acheivement of this, the highest plateau of fucking up.
2. When a situation is completely messed up from a-z and there is zero chance of recovery.

1. They put a fucked-up fuckup monkey fuck in charge who had no idea how to manage, so the place went tits-up.
2. The whole job had been ruined by mismanagement. There was absolutely nothing correct, and it was beyond salvage. It was a total fucked-up fuckup monkey fuck.

fucked-up fuckup monkey fuck by T. Walsh / Ronan XVII January 4, 2005

fucked as a monkey 

to be monkeyed.

"I'm as fucked as a monkey", Rory said after the tenth pint of Stella.

fucked as a monkey by the_rorz August 5, 2009

moneyfucker 

Someone who love's money so much that they fuck it.

Mitt Romney is a moneyfucker.

moneyfucker by Fastawake February 24, 2012

Moneyfucker Jesus 

Not the real Jesus. The Jesus that some bible thumpers believe in who believe that if you don't "tithe" that is don't give ten percent of the money you make to there church God and/or Jesus is against you and will do nothing for you.

Man:I must be dead1 Is that you Jesus?
Jesus:Yeah,the ten dollars you owe me?
Man:I ain't got ten dollars.
Jesus:Then your going to hell till I get my ten dollars.
Man:I'm dead I can't get ten dollars.
Jesus:Too bad. Next.
And that's an example of moneyfucker Jesus.

Moneyfucker Jesus by Deep blue 2012 February 20, 2010