computer 

A high tech masturbation receptacle which can also be used to place orders for the destruction of decaying murder/rape victim's carcasses through the internet.

I sure wish I had more computer.

computer by Mr. Internet VII March 18, 2004

Computer 

You dumb dumb poopy pants

Your a dumb dumb poopy pants for not knowing what a computer is, I mean, i'm in first grade, but come on.

Computer by Chicken Nugget Dude March 10, 2017

computer 

Man's famous tool for emulating God.

You can do pretty much anything you want with a computer, like God, but the computer also has free will, God's gift to humans, so it could suddenly crash if it wanted to.

computer by T Hizzle June 1, 2005

computer 

A computer is a terrible beast. It secrets vomit, has the ability to rip up a tree in one minute, and has a special tongue to lick it's balls.

Computers are found in many places. They can addict you, and they sometimes look on the internet (a vile network of voodoo telepathy which they use) to find pictures of your friends and family and pretend they're alive even after they are dead.

A computer has several intelligence levels:
PC: As stupid as the user
Super Computer: Unpredictable
Mac: <no intelligence>

A computer often visits sites of pornography so as to participate in virtual sex with another computer. It then blames the creation and visiting of these sites on humans nearby. How arrogant!!!

My computer licked it's balls.
My computer regularly opens porn sites.
My computer spreads viruses.

computer by High Technologist December 15, 2004

Computer 

A plastic hunk of shit that pisses off everyone it comes in contact with to no avail. It is the biggest waste of money a person could ever fall victim to, and every nerd who would defend this invention should be shot directly through their temple so as not to miss and leave them paralysed (because even paralysed people can cause problemsStephen Hawkins).

This piece of shit (computer) just crashed, and I lost my entire essay. I fucking hate this pile of fucking shit.

Computer by Ibetyoujustcalledmearacist February 16, 2006

computer 

A machine designed mainly to play Solitaire and fix endless problems consuming time and money.

<Idioth> I got a computer yesterday!
<Idoith> Luckyyy!! How is it?
<Idioth> Great! Plenty of Solitaire and a crapload of errors!

computer by Bastardized Bottomburp September 1, 2003

Computer 

Your best Friend, the protector of Alpha Complex. Disagreeing is treason.
See also, dictator

Citizen, is the computer your friend?

Computer by Phil-U-INN August 11, 2005