A widespread and mind-numbing writing appliance used by uncreative teachers and schools to spread dissatisfaction with writing among their students. Though "creative" five-paragraph essays have been written, the form is generally mandated by dull minds to make writing and thinking dull.
All five-paragraph essays begin with an introduction ("tell '
em what you'
re gonna tell '
em!") followed by three body paragraphs ("tell '
em!") and a frighteningly repetetive conclusion ("tell '
em what you told '
em!").