stormsworder's definitions
Originally the name 'tarantula' was given to a species of wolf spider in Italy which was blamed for venomous spider bites which locals tried to cure by performing a dance. In fact the spider bites were inflicted by a species of widow spider. But the widow spiders are small and look insignificant, whilst wolf spiders are bigger and hairy, so the wolf spider was blamed. To this day many people judge how venomous a spider is on its size, which is completely inaccurate. Wolf spiders are harmless. These days the name 'tarantula' is used to describe any spider of the Theraphosid family. This family has something like 800 known species in Africa, Mid and South America and Asia, with many more no doubt still undiscovered. The tarantulas (or Theraphosids) are the giants of the spider world, the biggest with leg-spans which could cover a dinner plate (a Goliath Birdeater with a 12-inch leg-span I think is the record). Though some tarantulas live in trees, most are ground-dwellers and the live in burrows. They line the entrances of their burrows with silk. Though tarantulas have no senses of hearing or smell and very poor vision, they have a very developed sense of touch. The hairs on their legs can detect the slightest air or ground vibration, and the lines of silk they lay down around their burrows are almost like extentions of their legs. Any small animal touching one of those threads will instantly alert the tarantula. Tarantulas feed on anything from crickets, locusts and cockroaches to rodents, small snakes and small lizards. Despite the fact they are often known as 'bird-eating spiders' in the US, it is probably very rare for a tarantula to eat a bird, though tree-climbing tarantulas can easily help themselves to a chick when a parent bird is away from its nest. With their basic webs they are thought to be the earliest form of spider, date back over 350 million years. When threatened or annoyed, tarantulas rear up on their back legs and bare their fangs. Some can even make a hissing/rustling noise by rubbing bristles on their jaws together. Tarantulas do not eat solid food. When a tarantula feeds, it injects a digestive fluid into its prey through its fangs. The prey is then gradually liquidised and absorbed into the mouth in a similar way to water being absorbed into a sponge. Tarantulas breathe through gill-like openings in the underside of their abdomens called 'book lungs'. When tarantulas mate, the male inserts sperm from his pedipalps ('feelers') into an opening under the female's body. Female tarantulas are larger and stronger than the more spindly-looking males, can live anything up to ten or twenty years, maybe longer depending on the species. Once the male has reached full size he can't hope to live eighteen months at the most. Despite the hooks on his front legs (for holding the female's fangs) he maybe be eaten after (or even before) mating. Tarantulas shed their skins, on average once a year. They can cast off a damaged limb but re-grow it gradually, the new limb becoming bigger every time their shed their skin. The tarantula skin is an exoskeleton, made of keratin (the same material human nails are made of). Despite the fear and horror they install in so many people (who've learnt most of what they know about tarantulas from the movies) tarantulas have venom which is unable to endanger human life. In fact, there is no record of anyone being killed by a tarantula bite. Some New World species have hairs on their abdomens which they can flick off with their back legs. These can cause an itching/burning sensation if they come into contact with human skin. But let's be honest, tarantulas are probably more afraid of us than we are of them, and they are a major controller of destructive pests like cockroaches and locusts. In fact tarantulas make excellent pets. They are more likely to run away rather than attack, unless they are cornered. Tarantulas are certainly not made of rubber, as some movies would have us believe. They are just as much flesh and blood as we are.
by StormSworder August 15, 2006
Get the tarantulamug. A raccoon who was heir to a book about how to steal stuff, but unfortunately the book itself was stolen. A sign of our times. So, with the help of a thing that looks like a bishop's crook, a pink hippo and a tortoise, you must embark on a mission across the world to recover Sly's trousers. The three games that follow are so bloody tedious I'd advise him to stay at home and take up fly-fishing and full-contact scrabble instead.
Hey, so Sly's games are boring and Sly himself is a weed. But on the other hand you get to play a raccoon with no trousers, and you can climb all over a big fox-woman with massive jugs, and things like that are far more important! Sly Cooper for furry of the month! Wahay!
by Stormsworder September 7, 2007
Get the sly coopermug. An attempt to create a 'comic relief' character which backfired badly, turning the Star Wars film Phantom Menace into little more than a cross between a farce and a special-effects laden episode of Love Thy Neighbour. Binks is an alien who, for reasons I'm sure won't be apparent to anyone but all-seeing higher beings, talks like a dated black stereotype. Ah, but C3P0 and R2-D2 were comical characters, the fanboys point out. Yes, but they actually served some function in A New Hope, and if they're comic characters then why do we need yet another 'comic' character.
Jar Jar Binks, just one of the many things wrong with a film with was nothing really more than one long advert for toys, video games, happy meals and various other tat. But it's still worth mentioning that Jar Jar Binks is a shit creation and a total wanker.
by Stormsworder August 2, 2007
Get the Jar Jar Binksmug. A take-the-money-and-run online dating agency who cancel your account whenever they feel like it, refuse to answer your e-mails and never refund your money. On-line frauds.
"Dateline have just terminated my account, despite the fact I've paid for another five months of membership yet, and the snotty fuckers won't even answer my e-mails to tell me what is going on".
"Don't worry. Dateline is for Russian immigrants trying to claim citizenship by marrying someone in this country, stuck-up bitches who think only someone with the looks of a film star is good enough for them, and predatory perverts who are only out for what they can get".
"Don't worry. Dateline is for Russian immigrants trying to claim citizenship by marrying someone in this country, stuck-up bitches who think only someone with the looks of a film star is good enough for them, and predatory perverts who are only out for what they can get".
by Stormsworder September 25, 2007
Get the datelinemug. 1: A main road. When it goes through the countryside, it is often lined the various dead animals. I recently saw a badger lying there inert.
2: A lamp post made by Concrete Utilities in the sixties. Later replaced by the Highway X, which had a slimmer, rounder-shaped base to its column and therefore took up less room on the pavement.
2: A lamp post made by Concrete Utilities in the sixties. Later replaced by the Highway X, which had a slimmer, rounder-shaped base to its column and therefore took up less room on the pavement.
Mrs Ford: Had a good day, Jim?
Mr Ford (who has just arrived home): I was driving along the highway at a steady 50 mph when this stupid toffee-nosed arsehole came tearing along at about 80 or 90, practically rammed my backside for a mile and a half, hooting his horn all the time. When he overtook, he shouted something I couldn't quite understand due to the fact he spoke as though he had his bollocks in his mouth. I naturally did the sensible thing - gave him the finger and told him to f*** off.
Mrs Ford: That's nice, dear.
Mr Ford (who has just arrived home): I was driving along the highway at a steady 50 mph when this stupid toffee-nosed arsehole came tearing along at about 80 or 90, practically rammed my backside for a mile and a half, hooting his horn all the time. When he overtook, he shouted something I couldn't quite understand due to the fact he spoke as though he had his bollocks in his mouth. I naturally did the sensible thing - gave him the finger and told him to f*** off.
Mrs Ford: That's nice, dear.
by StormSworder August 16, 2006
Get the highwaymug. An island off the south coast of England, the Isle of Wight is a land of beauty. It has a lot of nice seaside towns and they all have attractions. Some people equate it with being in England in the 1950s, but there's nothing wrong with that surely.
On the Isle of Wight there is a museum containing the skeleton of a Finback Whale (the second largest after the Blue Whale) which was washed up some years ago near The Needles.
by Stormsworder December 7, 2006
Get the isle of wightmug. A member of the arachnid family, one of the oldest and most successful groups of animals on this planet. In fact, some think the first animal to leave the sea was an arachnid. Scorpions have lobster-like claws and a tail which arches forward over their backs, ends in a sting. It's that sting which means they are feared and detested, but in fact only a small minority of scorpions are dangerously venomous. Scorpions live in a variety of environments, from tropical to desert regions. As a rule, species with larger and stronger-looking pincers tend to be safer. For example, scorpions like the Emporer Scorpion, Black Forest Scorpion (a guest on 'Clive Anderson Talks Back') and Egyptian Gold Scorpion are safe to handle and are kept as pets. Meanwhile, the Death Stalker and Fat-tailed Scorpions (which have small, narrow pincers), are dangerously venomous. The earliest known scorpion fossils are something like 400 million years old. Two ancient scorpions, Brontoscorpio and Gigantoscorpio, are thought to have each been a metre in length. Whenever I watch a scorpion, I can't help feeling I'm viewing the events of 400 million years ago.
An Emporer Scorpion called Spike, looked large and dramatic, was harmless to humans. Within in few years she had become a grandmother. RIP Spike, and her family, the last of whom died a couple of years ago
by Stormsworder November 16, 2006
Get the scorpionmug.