mike payne's definitions

deer dents

Scratches and dents that appear on a car after driving through a wooded area without concern for wildlife.

While driving through the woods with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, Jason felt a bump and hoped that his insurance covered deer dents.

by Mike Payne May 16, 2008

turkey baster baby

A child produced through artificial insemination.

After days of his wife's pleading to have another child so McGruff would have someone to play with, Jason grabbed a 30-pack out of the fridge, picked up the keys to his tractor, and told his wife to go get a turkey baster baby.

by Mike Payne April 3, 2008

DNSing

When your computer has trouble connecting to the Internet

After checking the modem, the router, and all of the cable connections, Jason decided that his computer was just DNSing.

by Mike Payne March 11, 2008

old squeaker

A highly-potent, silent-but-deadly fart that is allowed to escape in the workplace.

We thought Laurie's face was bright red because she had been fake-tanning again. However, upon stepping out into the front of the office it was apparent that Jason delivered another old squeaker.

by Mike Payne May 2, 2008

switch

The word that is yelled when 2 guys are double-teaming a girl and they decide to change places.

When Jason and Joey got bored with Connie, they gave each other a hive five and yelled "Switch!"

by Mike Payne March 6, 2008

fermitate

The redneck method for making any type of wine, beer, or liquor.

Jason had to stop at a convenient store on his way to work to pick up some roadies because his wife dumped the beer out of his thermos and his homemade wine didn't fermitate yet.

by Mike Payne July 27, 2008

staplin'

Repairing the crotch area of your pants with a stapler while wearing them.

Jason attempted to sit indian-style three times before he ripped a hole in his pants and spent the afternoon staplin'.

by Mike Payne March 24, 2008