Definitions by goose_on_a_roof

Chuck Norris of Cheap 

one that has mastered the art of wallet fumbling, a stingy person or one that will pinch a penny until POTUS 1-6 is squealing like a little girl

I can be a little tight with a buck. Well, “little” may be somewhat misleading. Ok, ok, I've got my black belt in skinflint. I'm the miser master, the Chuck Norris of Cheap and in my spare time, I like to jam with my band, Penny Pinscher and the Tightwads. Seriously, I play a mean frugal horn.

Chuck Norris of Cheap by goose_on_a_roof October 18, 2020

Slut Glut Rut 

a condition whereby a male celebrity is so burned out from all the fawning attention that he no longer receives any stimulation from a bikini model slipping her room key into his pocket

Bouncer: Johnny, nice set.
Rockstar: Thank’s, man.
Bouncer: By the way, that hottie in the front row wanted me to give you her phone number.
Rockstar: Nah, you keep it. I think I’m stuck in a slut glut rut.

Slut Glut Rut by goose_on_a_roof October 18, 2020

the beans are talkin’

an admittance of flatulence

Husband: Did you…? Oh my gosh!
Wife: (embarrassed) Yeah, the beans are talkin’.
Husband: Well, you could have...
Wife: (indignant) I DID, but YOU just had to have curry. Actions have consequences.

the beans are talkin’ by goose_on_a_roof October 18, 2020

Going Paducah 

dying, when someone or something is on it’s last legs, last gasp or exhibiting a death rattle (The word “Paducah” is derived from the sound made when a severed head is drop-kicked into an empty dumpster. pah-DOO-kah)

“C’mon stop smackin’ that old TV. You’re not helping any. It’s going Paducah and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Going Paducah by goose_on_a_roof October 17, 2020

at-ease 

(verb) to stop what you are doing, cease (This is a military term derived from the command “at-ease” which, even though sounds like it should mean “to relax”, actually is more restrictive than when a soldier is at “rest”, where a soldier is free to move, talk, smoke, etc. It is from this point that it is used to bring a soldier under control, particularly if the soldier in question is involved in grab-ass.)

Soldier: HEY CHICKY BABY! DO I GET SOME FRIES WITH THAT SHAKE?
Sergeant: AT-EASE THAT SH** OR I’LL HAVE YOU STANDING BEFORE THE SERGEANT MAJOR!

at-ease by goose_on_a_roof October 17, 2020

plantin’ some onion 

to break wind, fart

Neil: Houston, we have a problem. Buzz is plantin’ some onion and the fan relay on the LEM’s environmental system has got a 203 alarm.
Houston Control: Roger that, Neil. You have our condolences and we’re checkin’ the accessory bus.

plantin’ some onion by goose_on_a_roof October 16, 2020

flatusidal tendencies 

a disorder whereby a person has recurring thoughts about breaking wind in crowded and, often times, confined places (This is a dangerous situation in which the person in question is on the verge of becoming a sphincter Sinatra if he/she does not receive professional help or, at the very least, a bitch slap by his/her friends.)

Paratrooper: Sarge, I know it’s not the time but I keep thinking about plantin’ some onion.
Jumpmaster: GOT DAMN IT!!! Ya better at-ease those flatusidal tendencies or I’ll toss your goat-smellin’ ass off this bird right now, green light or not.

flatusidal tendencies by goose_on_a_roof October 16, 2020