gnostic3's definitions

2026

n. The year that Donald Trump has himself declared Emperor Supremo For Life and demands that the world begins a new calendar system in which the first year of his first presidency is declared year one (Trumpic Anus 1 or TA1) and the four Biden years are ignored completely. Thus 2026 becomes TA5.

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I hear 2026 is now going to be TA5. Everybody wants it. GREAT IDEA! I think the great people of America will still celebrate the 250th anniversary of her founding but it will be called the Trumpcentenary.

by gnostic3 January 1, 2026

Nervous Anna

n. Grunge tribute band who mostly sing Cobain tunes in voices set in a high artificially feminine register. Part of Perth’s wave of ratty unheralded and largely unwanted tribute bands that includes: Pearls of Toe Jam, Sound Garden Tips, and Allison-Changed-Meets Puppets.

Did you see that Nervous Anna is headlining Koalafest? They apparently couldn’t afford Merve’s Nana or Mermana.

by gnostic3 January 1, 2026

Lapp dance

n. Exuberant robust freeform body movements displayed by the Sami, the indigenous people of Finland, when they celebrate a wedding, commemorate the death of a loved one, or when their country enjoys a rare international victory in a sport that inevitably involves frozen water in one form or another.

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Coming you to the club house tonight for the match watching? Plenty of reindeer stuffed busty blausen lady folk and a gooden chancen of a Lapp dance.

by gnostic3 January 1, 2026

fireworker

n. Person who designs, sets up or ignites displays of fireworks;: the igniters are usually habitually singed and lacking in fingers. The term is also used in Australia in as a synonym for firefighters and, oddly, arsonists.

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Look at that flaming beauty pinwheeling through the bloody firmament! More smoke and sparkles than a trans wallaby at a disco party. That bloke is one more fireworker who should have read the instructions.

by gnostic3 January 1, 2026

platypus

n. Incredibly odd animal with ludicrously improbable physical, behavioural and emotional characteristics unseen outside Hollywood. Thought by habitually beer-dozzled Australian scientists to be a cross between a platypus and another platypus. Aborigines, who worshipped the platypi as very peculiar crippled and mentally handicapped gods imbued with irreplaceable mystical powers and the souls of dead aboriginal heroes, were reluctant to kill and eat the strange creatures unless they were hungry. After every edible part of the delicious gods were consumed all of the remaining bits, some of which were rather nasty and in fact poisonous, were employed to create everything a stone-age people could possibly need … assuming they were not interested in leaving the stone age.

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Dear God Bruce! What in rotting wombat guts is that smeared on your wellies? It smells like vegamite gone septic.

No worries mate. It’s platypus bile. The aborigines use it to waterproof their ocean-going rafts.

Perhaps that’s why they never got off this bleeding swelter bog of a continent.

by gnostic3 December 21, 2025

dropsydoc

n. Older medical practitioner edging towards senility who reverts to employing pre-victorian names for congestive heart failure etc. With far-away looks in their fading eyes they speak fondly of agues, leeching, and torturing medical students.

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Is that dropsydoc ever going to retire? He is admittedly witty but I grow weary of his Luddite spiels, the subtle undercurrent of racism and misogyny in his diagnoses, and his flirtatious ways with the nurses.

Actually, he is retired. He just comes in for the baking … and the flirting.

by gnostic3 December 20, 2025

jeesecake

n. Wondrously delicious baking that could only have been forged in the oven of a god. A cream-filled god.

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Stitch quickly my friend. Amanda brought jeesecake and laid it on the altar of baking heaven in the break room.

Are you sure your medication is still working?

by gnostic3 December 20, 2025