chris wheelie's definitions

mohawk

Once, the punkest hairstyle on the planet, adapted and adopted from various native North Americans, including the Huron and Blood tribes. The originators of the mohawk style in punk circles were Wes Beech (of US band Plasmatics) and Rainy (of UK band Discharge). The punks went on to spike their mohawks with soap, eggwhite, glue and hairspray, as the Native Americans had with buffalo grease, before going into battle. A hairstyle which used to guarantee ridicule and abuse from braindead trendies. Since David Beckham's half-arsed style around 2000, the mohawk has become trendy and acceptable, so what's the point?

Now these trendy sheep think a mohawk's cool, I think I'll grow a comb-over instead.

by chris wheelie April 28, 2005

dung tardis

Vulgar term for the anus, rectum and bowels. Named after the main character's transportation machine in the popular UK Sci-Fi programme "Dr.Who". The 'tardis' held a lot more than it looked from the outside.

The customs officer got ready for another trip into the dung tardis.

by chris wheelie April 28, 2005

SEVEN SHADES OF SHIT

The ultimate degree to which an individual is pummelled/ kicked-in/ beaten-up... The last word in a complete and utter kicking... Of UK origin but, believe me, there is no escape...

Goodness! You should've seen those old/bald geezers going mental... After reading that embarrassing and patronizing claptrap penned by Ethan P., the creaky fellas went apeshit and kicked seven shades of shit out of him. Everyone applauded, including the pacifists. That'll make the ageist cunt think twice before spouting such drivel again.

by Chris Wheelie September 16, 2005

drippy tiddler

The consequence of having a weak willy. The condition which leads to damp patches at inopportune moments.

If it weren't for my drippy tiddler I'd wear beige trousers more often.

by chris wheelie April 28, 2005

Ritz

Apart from crackers, style or wiggers, this word can also be uttered by disappointed or ungrateful persons. It's a simpler way of saying 'big deal', 'so what?', 'Is that all there is?'.

Deek stared with incredulity at the meal set before him. In the dead centre of a plate, the size of a small coffee table, lay one solitary dod of potato salad.
"Ritz", he rumbled.

by chris wheelie April 30, 2005

Poor Man's Custard

A term for white sauce, used in cookery. Also slang for sperm, due to its appearance and consistancy.

He drizzled the poor man's custard on to her chops.

by chris wheelie April 21, 2005

Spasm

From the mid to late 1970s. When a person has eaten their fill of a meal, their body creates an inner shudder at the thought of a further mouthful.

"Would you care for a wafer-thin mint, Mr. Kreosote?"
"No thanks you, I've just had a spasm, I couldn't eat another thing".

by chris wheelie April 21, 2005