rubberband man

A man who can only perform sexually with a tight rubber band triple-wrapped round his cock to restrict blood-flow, whilst fantasising that he's a smurf shagging smurfette.

Rubberband man theme tune:

Gonna find me a rubber band,
Gonna wrap it round my chonson,
Gonna find that lil' smurfette,
And may her suck my big blue cock tonight!

Oh yeah! That's what I'm gonna do,
Cos I'm a crazy smurf with a big blue cock tonight!
That's what I am!
I'm not some weirdo with a rubber band wrapped round my cock, no!
I'm a friggin smurf!
Why won't anyone believe me?

by cheddarfloor April 30, 2006

uber hottie

The kind of girl you'd bite your own hand off for. And then shit out your hand and eat it again, and it's all covered in shit this time. And then you'd stick your other hand up your bum to try and fish out the first hand but then the second hand gets stuck and when you try and yank it out it rips off as well and now you've got no hands cos they're both stuck in your ass but you don't care cos she's such an uber hottie!

That really fit girl off that thing that I like.

by cheddarfloor April 20, 2005

queef

When, after an extended episode of concentrated reasoning, a lady realises that she has discovered a hitherto overlooked flaw in Einstein's Relativity Theory but coherent speech is made an impossibility due to an intense level of sexual excitement, she must resort to an audible vaginal emission to convey her profundities to any fortunate peer within earshot. The pungency of the resultant queef can be overpowering and is directly proportional to the originality and validity of the lady's deductions.

Man, mid-coitus: "Phwoah?! What was that?"
Lady, ditto: "That, Archibald, was a post-structuralist analysis of the novel A Room With a View by E.M. Forster."
Man: "It friggin' stinks!"
Lady: "Exactly!"

by cheddarfloor April 21, 2005

CART

A fart that is cowardly overdubbed with a loud staged cough to avoid embarrassment in polite company.

Charlie: Yes ma'am. *CART!*
The Queen: Oh you poor boy, you should really get something for that chest.
Charlie: Yes ma'am.

by cheddarfloor April 21, 2005

pisswah

The post-coitus piss which takes it's time coming out and then when it does goes everywhere, all over your feet and up the walls, but not down the toilet.

"You ready for some more sugar?"
"There in a sec honey, just taking a piss...(10 seconds later)...wah!"

by cheddarfloor April 22, 2005

suck a fuck

The act, which most girls have secretly honed for as yet unknown reasons, of completely collapsing with a single word a seriously hot moment, which would ordinarily lead to fucking.

Joel (kissing Emily's neck): So what now honeybuns?
Emily: Pizza?
Joel: Shit Emily, you really sucked the fuck out of that situation!

by cheddarfloor April 23, 2005

qeef

When, after an extended episode of concentrated reasoning, a lady realises that she has discovered a hitherto overlooked flaw in Einstein's Relativity Theory but coherent speech is made an impossibility due to an intense level of sexual excitement, she must resort to an audible vaginal emission to convey her profundities to any fortunate peer within earshot. The pungency of the resultant qeef can be overpowering and is directly proportional to the originality and validity of the lady's deductions.

Man, mid-coitus: "Phwoah?! What was that?"
Lady, ditto: "That, Archibald, was a post-structuralist analysis of the novel Bleak House by Charles Dickens."
Man: "It friggin' stinks!"

by cheddarfloor April 20, 2005