cheddarfloor's definitions

rubberband man

A man who can only perform sexually with a tight rubber band triple-wrapped round his cock to restrict blood-flow, whilst fantasising that he's a smurf shagging smurfette.

Rubberband man theme tune:

Gonna find me a rubber band,
Gonna wrap it round my chonson,
Gonna find that lil' smurfette,
And may her suck my big blue cock tonight!

Oh yeah! That's what I'm gonna do,
Cos I'm a crazy smurf with a big blue cock tonight!
That's what I am!
I'm not some weirdo with a rubber band wrapped round my cock, no!
I'm a friggin smurf!
Why won't anyone believe me?

by cheddarfloor April 30, 2006

pansexual

One who swears that he/she is singularly and uncontrollably aroused by pans.

Sex shop owner: "We got whips, hand-cuffs, feathers, chains, dildos, butt-plugs, cock-rings, joy-buzzers, batons, tasers, axes, machetes, M-16s, SAMs, anthrax-"
Pansexual: "Got any pans?"

by cheddarfloor April 21, 2005

qeef

When, after an extended episode of concentrated reasoning, a lady realises that she has discovered a hitherto overlooked flaw in Einstein's Relativity Theory but coherent speech is made an impossibility due to an intense level of sexual excitement, she must resort to an audible vaginal emission to convey her profundities to any fortunate peer within earshot. The pungency of the resultant qeef can be overpowering and is directly proportional to the originality and validity of the lady's deductions.

Man, mid-coitus: "Phwoah?! What was that?"
Lady, ditto: "That, Archibald, was a post-structuralist analysis of the novel Bleak House by Charles Dickens."
Man: "It friggin' stinks!"

by cheddarfloor April 20, 2005

suck a fuck

The act, which most girls have secretly honed for as yet unknown reasons, of completely collapsing with a single word a seriously hot moment, which would ordinarily lead to fucking.

Joel (kissing Emily's neck): So what now honeybuns?
Emily: Pizza?
Joel: Shit Emily, you really sucked the fuck out of that situation!

by cheddarfloor April 23, 2005

cock diesel

The black, sweet-tasting, ejaculatory elixir which many African cultures believe a man emits if he correctly enunciates the arcane word 'Dukdukhjjuutybuqu' upon orgasm.

"I'm afraid your wife will die within 5 hours."
"Nah it's alright doc, i'll just pump her full of cock diesel and she'll be right as rain."

by cheddarfloor April 21, 2005

la leche

Milk in Spanish. Man-milk in English.

Ooh baby, I'm about to squirt. Hang on, here it comes, wait, oh that's good..wait, wait for la leche baby...here it is...OH YEEAH! Wooh. You like the leche don't you baby!...Got la leche?? You do baby!! Haha! Yeah all in your mouth. Wow you're so good to me. Oh yeah that was good...oh yeah...can I try a bit?

by cheddarfloor April 20, 2005

manjam

A homemade high-protein preserve traditionally distilled in two spherical receptacles. Best served in a series of short sharp jets over a pair of perfectly proportioned buns or baps.

Girl: "Eric, my fingers keep brushing against something hard in the popcorn. Is anything in there?"
Eric, popcorn bucket on his lap: "No, I don't think so. Here grab another handful."
---
five minutes later
---
Girl:"Eric, why does the popcorn suddenly taste like manjam?"
Eric:"Er..don't know. Probably just...er...no I really haven't a clue. Couldn't give ya one good reason, i'm afraid. Nope. Er, hang on, maybe...ah no...nope...I can't think why at all. Sorry. No idea."

by cheddarfloor April 21, 2005