The name assumed by a fat security guard who thinks that sitting in the gatehouse of a pie factory makes him the most important man in the world. He spends most of his working day reading his newspaper and demanding to see the ID of the only people of lower grade than him - the toilet cleaners.
Stop! Who goes there?
None of your fat business. Who the hell are you?
I am the Scotch, the Big Bad Scotch.
Correction. You're a fat ugly nobody with little legs and a gay moustache.
None of your fat business. Who the hell are you?
I am the Scotch, the Big Bad Scotch.
Correction. You're a fat ugly nobody with little legs and a gay moustache.
by by Kenny Spoffo-Grumpbeetle August 18, 2009
Eggs.
Grandad curry-hat's idea of black magic is having eggs placed in his hedge by Nogtard as a revenge prank for having bourbons posted through his letterbox.
The old twat was so terrified he phoned the landlady next door, shaking in his turban.
Grandad curry-hat's idea of black magic is having eggs placed in his hedge by Nogtard as a revenge prank for having bourbons posted through his letterbox.
The old twat was so terrified he phoned the landlady next door, shaking in his turban.
by by kenny spoffo-grumpbeetle July 31, 2009
A version of Bruce Springsteen's song "Born to Run" sung by Pork Scotch, the world's ugliest dickhead. First sung as a drunken karaoke performance and later recorded at Goofy Granny's expense. The record sold precisely 2 copies.
I've made a record therefore I'm young and cool.
But what the hell does the song mean?
It means I was born to Scotch. Scotch means to be cool. I was born to be cool.
OK Dickwad, you need to look up "Scotching" on Urban Dictionary.
But what the hell does the song mean?
It means I was born to Scotch. Scotch means to be cool. I was born to be cool.
OK Dickwad, you need to look up "Scotching" on Urban Dictionary.
by by Kenny Spoffo-Grumpbeetle August 20, 2009
The vehicle driven by the Porky Scotcher. It is a white van with a very peculiar arrangement of windows. It is known as a half-car because it has too many windows to be considered a van and not enough to be considered a car.
Monk: That's a weird vehicle. Neither van nor car but somewhere in between.
Dad: Yes Monk, the technical name is 'half-car'. Its a vehicle especially for fat security guards who think they're too important to drive vans.
Dad: Yes Monk, the technical name is 'half-car'. Its a vehicle especially for fat security guards who think they're too important to drive vans.
by by kenny spoffo-grumpbeetle August 01, 2009
The highest level of ugliness. A truly unbelievable degree of repulsiveness usually only achieved by little fat security guards.
by by kenny spoffo-grumpbeetle July 29, 2009
A person who is so tall they can destroy a caravan by just standing up in it. As he stands up the caravandal's head smashes through the roof and the caravan is then ruined.
by by kenny spoffo-grumpbeetle July 28, 2009
The slowest walking speed possible. Only fat old security guards with short stumpy legs can achieve this incredibly slow rate of movement. Given a headwind and a hangover the Pork Scotch walk can compete with continental drift for lack of swiftness.
Is that fat guy sleeping on his feet?
No he's on his way to work. He's so old and flabby he can't go any faster than a Pork Scotch walk.
No he's on his way to work. He's so old and flabby he can't go any faster than a Pork Scotch walk.
by by kenny spoffo-grumpbeetle August 16, 2009