The congressman was committing suicide by slut when he took those tranny hookers to the pay by the hour motel just three blocks down from the local tv station.
When Greg told us he doesn’t use condoms with the skanks he brings home from the bar we all knew he was committing suicide by slut.
When Greg told us he doesn’t use condoms with the skanks he brings home from the bar we all knew he was committing suicide by slut.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Matt had 8 pizzas to deliver but tip priority meant that he’d deliver the freshest one first. That guy always slipped him a $20.
Ari knew that the woman at table two was very generous and gave her table tip priority all night.
Ari knew that the woman at table two was very generous and gave her table tip priority all night.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

“Dude, you gonna help me move up that couch we found out by the dumpster?”
“Nah, that looks like it’s a scabies sanctuary.”
Tara thought that sweet almost chair from the second hand store was a steal. Too bad for her, it was a scabies sanctuary.
“Nah, that looks like it’s a scabies sanctuary.”
Tara thought that sweet almost chair from the second hand store was a steal. Too bad for her, it was a scabies sanctuary.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

When Maryann saw the black velvet painting of Elvis, Princess Diana, and Dale Earnhardt drinking beers while floating on clouds in heaven, she just couldn’t pass it up. It was just TOO great a Trailer Treasure to not buy.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

When a person insists on having a long, drawn out, pointless conversation on their cell phone when going to the bathroom, especially if it is a public bathroom.
"Dude, is there another bathroom here?"
"No, why?"
"There's some asshole in there talking on his cell phone and I just couldn't take a leak."
"Bathroom blather is so fucking rude."
When I heard I toilet flush I knew that this conversation was just bathroom blather.
"No, why?"
"There's some asshole in there talking on his cell phone and I just couldn't take a leak."
"Bathroom blather is so fucking rude."
When I heard I toilet flush I knew that this conversation was just bathroom blather.
by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008

Ever since Casey got a raise, Missy has been waging a whisper war about him all over the office.
“If that bitch thinks she’s going to start a whisper war with me I’ll beat her ass after study hall.”
“If that bitch thinks she’s going to start a whisper war with me I’ll beat her ass after study hall.”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

"He sent me 20 texts today which is odd. He hardly ever texts and said he had the runs."
"I think he was toilet texting you."
"Gross!"
"I think he was toilet texting you."
"Gross!"
by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008
