Definitions by brett burkhardt

Suicide by Slut 

Someone who ruins their life by sleeping around in a stupid, careless, and self destructive manner.

The congressman was committing suicide by slut when he took those tranny hookers to the pay by the hour motel just three blocks down from the local tv station.

When Greg told us he doesn’t use condoms with the skanks he brings home from the bar we all knew he was committing suicide by slut.

Suicide by Slut by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Golden Parachute Punk 

A CEO who gets a fat paycheck after running a company into the ground.

Marge lost her 401K and all her company stock was worthless but the Golden Parachute Punk who drove the company into bankruptcy got a severance package of 20 million...the douche.

Golden Parachute Punk by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Guido Hair 

Hair that looks greasy and disgusting from having too much product in it and can withstand winds of up to 90 miles an hour without even moving.

Anthony thought his hair was super sweet but what woman wants a man who’s hair could be used as a lethal weapon?

“March your ass upstairs right now and wash that crap out of your hair, no son of mine is leaving this house with Guido Hair.”

Guido Hair by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Scabies Sanctuary 

A piece of furniture or person that is infected with scabies.

“Dude, you gonna help me move up that couch we found out by the dumpster?”
“Nah, that looks like it’s a scabies sanctuary.”

Tara thought that sweet almost chair from the second hand store was a steal. Too bad for her, it was a scabies sanctuary.

Scabies Sanctuary by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

HSN Nut

A sad, pathetic, person who spends hours each day shopping at HSN and constantly calling in.

Mrs Ashforth was a real HSN Nut. Each day about 20 packages would arrive from them.

HSN Nut by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Jewelry Junky 

Someone who spends all their money on ugly, shitty jewelry and insists on wearing as much of it as possible.

April hated her jewelry junky roommate. You could hear the banging and clicking of her ugly necklaces, bracelets, anklets, and rings every time she moved around the house.

Annie was a pathetic jewelry junky. She’d parade around the office in 10 cheap gold chains and bracelets up to her elbows.

Jewelry Junky by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

QVC Crack Head 

A person who spends all their money ordering shit on QVC and then returning it.

I was horrified when I saw that aunt Mary spent over a thousand dollars a month on crap from QVC but when she told me she returned all but $20 worth of stuff I knew she was a real QVC crack head.

QVC Crack Head by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008