brett burkhardt's definitions

Mumblefuck

When the person you're talking to is mumbling and you can't understand a damn thing they're saying. Usually used in situations where they're giving you important information like a reservation number or directions on how to get somewhere.

A typical mumblefuck conversation.
"Can I get your order please?"
"Yeah-um...I'd *mumble*...and then *mumble* large *unknown stammering*"
"I'm sorry, what?"

"Hey, Amy, how do we get to your house from downtown?"
"You'll go down *mumble mumble mumble*...after that you'll take a *mumble* onto 4th *mumble*
"Hold on, Amy, just a sec....Guys, can you shut up for a sec, this is a real mumblefuck conversation and all your talking isn't making this any easier to hear."

by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008

Guido Hair

Hair that looks greasy and disgusting from having too much product in it and can withstand winds of up to 90 miles an hour without even moving.

Anthony thought his hair was super sweet but what woman wants a man who’s hair could be used as a lethal weapon?

“March your ass upstairs right now and wash that crap out of your hair, no son of mine is leaving this house with Guido Hair.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Crusty tube sock

A slut. Someone who’s taken more loads than a crusty tube sock hidden under a 14 year old’s bed.

“Don’t date her, she’s a crusty tube sock.”

“I’ve known some whores in my day but that guy is the biggest crusty tube sock I’ve ever met.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Purse Pooch

A small annoying dog that annoying girls carry around in their ugly over priced purses.

Kara has a purse pooch that she dresses up in tiny feather boas and tiaras.

“If that purse pooch yips one more damn time I swear to Jesus I’m going to use it to beat her owner to death.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Release the Beast

Usually used when fighting or about to fight, in this case it is used when hanging up on a rude or abusive caller. Can be used as a passive aggressive weapon if calls are being monitored or if a manager is nearby and you don't want them to hear you rip said caller a new asshole

If this bitch raises her voice to me again, I'll release the beast and hang up on her ass.

"So then I told her that we don't allow non-service dogs in this hotel and she flipped out on me, calling me a cunt and all this other shit."
"What did you do?"
"I released the beast. I wasn't going to stand there listing to someone scream at me over shit I don't control."

by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008

Ratty Cathy

Someone who accidentally rats out someone during their usual stupid rambling conversations.

“...and then we were all at the bar, and Misty looked hot in that dress and everyone was looking at her. Then Laura blew a guy in the men’s room but, oh my god, this guy bought us all shots and then..”
“Wait, so Laura cheated on her boyfriend.”
“Oops, I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone” mumbled the Ratty Cathy.

No one ever told Clayton anything because he turned into a ratty Cathy after just one drink.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

whorephan

One who has been left behind at the bar by a friend and/or ride so that they can hook up. Also known as being whorephaned.

The bartender knew that the chunky girl with the hot friend was going to be a whorephan by midnight the second they walked up to the bar.

by Brett Burkhardt March 9, 2008