9 definitions by Yeret
An expression used when an action or situation has not only fucked or will fuck you in multiple ways, but will leave you fucked for a long time afterwards.
I just got fired from my job and I'm late on the mortgage, am making payments on a car whose transmission is slipping, have maxed out credit cards I'm never gonna pay off, multiple accounts in collections and I still owe Bob a new grill when I ran it over drunk driving last weekend. I'm fucked nine ways to Sunday.
Cop: Sir, I need you to pop the trunk.
Guy: Got a search warrant?
Cop: Right here.
Guy: I'm fucked nine ways to Sunday...
John: Dude, Brock Lesnar's at the door waiting for you. Says he's real pissed about you slapping him in the back of the head then running off at the bar last night.
Bob: Oh shit, THAT'S who that was?
John: ...Dude, you're fucked nine ways to Sunday.
Cop: Sir, I need you to pop the trunk.
Guy: Got a search warrant?
Cop: Right here.
Guy: I'm fucked nine ways to Sunday...
John: Dude, Brock Lesnar's at the door waiting for you. Says he's real pissed about you slapping him in the back of the head then running off at the bar last night.
Bob: Oh shit, THAT'S who that was?
John: ...Dude, you're fucked nine ways to Sunday.
by Yeret February 9, 2015
Pull a John Preston is the act of single-handedly fucking up a group of people in the most awesome way imaginable while using a gun/pair of guns/club/pair of clubs/katana/your bare goddamned fists. It doesn't matter what you use because you're such a badass the fight will be over in seconds leaving nothing but a circle of bodies around you.
An individual capable of pulling a John Preston is not to be fucked with. Seriously, they can shoot you without even looking at you, dodge bullets and know what you're thinking before you do.
An individual capable of pulling a John Preston is not to be fucked with. Seriously, they can shoot you without even looking at you, dodge bullets and know what you're thinking before you do.
"Man, I was at the bar last night and there was this fight that broke out. All of a sudden, some guy pulls a John Preston with a pool cue and before I know it there's, like, eight guys KO'd on the floor. It was awesome!"
"I was heading to my car to go to work and suddenly a ninja posse appears in front of me. So I pulled a John Preston on them. Wasn't even late for work."
"So, I storm into this building and there's, like, twenty guys with rifles shooting at me. I drop my M4, whip out my Berettas and pull a John Preston on them. Wonder if they'll give me a Congressional Medal of Badassery?"
"I was heading to my car to go to work and suddenly a ninja posse appears in front of me. So I pulled a John Preston on them. Wasn't even late for work."
"So, I storm into this building and there's, like, twenty guys with rifles shooting at me. I drop my M4, whip out my Berettas and pull a John Preston on them. Wonder if they'll give me a Congressional Medal of Badassery?"
by Yeret February 9, 2015
"Only used a couple times" is an expression that literally translates to "used the fuck out of it and am selling it while I can for a few bucks before it breaks." The phrase is extremely common on Craigslist and Facebook yard sales. Oftentimes, after buying something that has "only been used a couple times," you will get maybe a couple of good uses out of it before it breaks/stops working/ignites and by the time you've gone through the hassle of scrapping it, you'll be wishing you would've just bought a friggin' new one from the start.
"I bought a popcorn popper that was "only used a couple times" and the damn things spits out half the seeds."
"I'm not sure why the washing machine makes loud humming noises. The person I bought it from said it was "only used a couple times."
"I bought a Glock that was "only used a couple times," and the slide flew off when I shot it and nearly impaled my right eye."
"I'm not sure why the washing machine makes loud humming noises. The person I bought it from said it was "only used a couple times."
"I bought a Glock that was "only used a couple times," and the slide flew off when I shot it and nearly impaled my right eye."
by Yeret February 9, 2015
A simple, but versatile phrase used to introduce a bad-ass possession, especially in a troublesome situation where said possession will have great effect. Also quite useful when you simply want to "one-up" someone by having a more bad-ass version of their object.
It is very important to speak the phrase slowly while emphasizing "this," because it sounds more bad-ass that way.
Originally used by Barry Burton in Resident Evil. After giving Jill ammo for a grenade launcher, Jill asks Barry what he has for a weapon. Barry responds "I have THIS!" while proudly raising his .357 Magnum Colt Python, which is both a bad-ass gun in the game and real life.
It is very important to speak the phrase slowly while emphasizing "this," because it sounds more bad-ass that way.
Originally used by Barry Burton in Resident Evil. After giving Jill ammo for a grenade launcher, Jill asks Barry what he has for a weapon. Barry responds "I have THIS!" while proudly raising his .357 Magnum Colt Python, which is both a bad-ass gun in the game and real life.
Barry: It's REALLY powerful, especially against living things! Better take it with you! *gives launcher ammo*
Jill: But how about you, Barry?
Barry: I have THIS! *raises Python*
Bob: I got this thirty of Budweiser. I'm gonna get more fucked up than you!
John: I doubt it, because I have THIS! *holds up bottle of Jägermeister*
Joe: Man, these fucking weeds out back are as big as trees! I can't even drive the mower INTO them, let alone MOW them!
Jeff: No problem, man. I have THIS! *activates flamethrower*
Jill: But how about you, Barry?
Barry: I have THIS! *raises Python*
Bob: I got this thirty of Budweiser. I'm gonna get more fucked up than you!
John: I doubt it, because I have THIS! *holds up bottle of Jägermeister*
Joe: Man, these fucking weeds out back are as big as trees! I can't even drive the mower INTO them, let alone MOW them!
Jeff: No problem, man. I have THIS! *activates flamethrower*
by Yeret July 13, 2015
A sudden attack is a sudden, unexpected, unstoppable need to take a massive dump. Most often occurs in those with Irritable Bowel Syndrome or those who just consumed a large amount of fast food. 95% of the time, a sudden attack doesn't leave you enough time to walk to the nearest crapper forcing you to sprint like a madman which only makes it harder to hold it in. As such, you're forced to clench your asscheeks together as hard as you can resulting in a very awkward looking running posture that is certain to catch the attention and imagination of all nearby.
"That six-pack and a pound sure hit the spot...OH SHIT, SUDDEN ATTACK!"
Bob: Whoa, that guy's running like he just took it in the ass.
John: Probably a sudden attack.
Bob: Are we there yet? I gotta take a dump soon.
John: I think that there's a gas station about ten minutes down...
Bob: OH SHIT, SUDDEN ATTACK, FUCKING FLOOR IT!
John: Goddammit...
Bob: Whoa, that guy's running like he just took it in the ass.
John: Probably a sudden attack.
Bob: Are we there yet? I gotta take a dump soon.
John: I think that there's a gas station about ten minutes down...
Bob: OH SHIT, SUDDEN ATTACK, FUCKING FLOOR IT!
John: Goddammit...
by Yeret February 9, 2015
Joe: My Trans Am's pretty sweet but I really don't know diddly squat about cars. I need to befriend a good mechanic so I can keep her running sweet.
Jon: I punched a dude at the bar last Friday. Little did I know that he would be the mechanic that would be doing my brake job last Monday. Now I'm laid up in the hospital with a fractured skull and my car's somewhere between a crusher and a foundry.
Jon: I punched a dude at the bar last Friday. Little did I know that he would be the mechanic that would be doing my brake job last Monday. Now I'm laid up in the hospital with a fractured skull and my car's somewhere between a crusher and a foundry.
by Yeret March 13, 2017
While working on a car, these are likely the first words that you will utter when you realize that you have broken an old, rusty bolt that you were trying to remove. When this particular bolt essentially puts the vehicle out of commission until it is resolved and you have, like, two hours to fix the problem, the "fuck" becomes an all-caps "FUCK" and is spoken accordingly.
"Alright, I removed 10 of 12 intake manifold bolts no problem. Now for number 11..."
CRACK!
"Oh fuck..."
Bob: This SOB bolt won't budge!
Joe: Try the breaker bar.
Bob: Alright, let's do it. Hnngh!
CRACK!
Bob: Oh fuck...
Bill: Oh fuck...
John: What happen?
Bill: I just broke one of the cylinder head mounting bolts.
John: What the fuck?! How did you manage...no, fuck it. You better sort it out because I told the customer the car would be ready in two hours.
Bill: But I need longer than...oh FUCK!
CRACK!
"Oh fuck..."
Bob: This SOB bolt won't budge!
Joe: Try the breaker bar.
Bob: Alright, let's do it. Hnngh!
CRACK!
Bob: Oh fuck...
Bill: Oh fuck...
John: What happen?
Bill: I just broke one of the cylinder head mounting bolts.
John: What the fuck?! How did you manage...no, fuck it. You better sort it out because I told the customer the car would be ready in two hours.
Bill: But I need longer than...oh FUCK!
by Yeret September 27, 2015