1) The disease a person may contract while having sex on an airplane. It comes from exposing your genitals around the high density of methane.
2) The direction the toilet swirls down the drain in Australia.
1) Marlyn joined the mile-high club on the trip to Phoenix, but three weeks later she discovered Miley Cyrus on her labia majora. It required laser surgery to remove the cyst.
2) Joey was so interested in the Miley Cyrus when he was done with his dump that he inadvertently produced some Dingoberries
. Fortunately the tour guide was experienced with his outback.
"Whoa, hold on there, mate, don't yank up yer Draks
just yet. I haven't had me Brekkie
yet, and it looks like the Dingo's been circling your Freckle
Narcotic to be used to subdue the will of children. Symptoms of Ovaltine poisoning:
A)Children travel in packs like wild predators, taking down their game (other children) by striking at the neck and back. Only the most vigorous of them is spared and brought as an offering to their parents house, where the other children are rewarded with a fresh suck at the Ovaltine teat.
B)Children chant mindlessly the mysterious phrase "MORE OVALTINE, PLEASE," over and over. (Short documentary footage of this phenomenom is played periodically on television and radio)
C)The stool of the Ovaltine addicted child is extremely hard and jagged, and can be harvested and used for deep sea drilling. Rachel Ray uses one to chop her veggies.
We took the kids up to see the folks, and turned off the interstate near Fairfield. As we drove down a residential street, dozens of children with glazed looks and bared teeth started to paw at the car, chanting, "More Ovaltine, Please!" over and over. I screamed, and my husband was forced to run a few down as he floored the gas pedal, and we got the hell out of there.
February 06, 2008
How well one does at blowing high ranking Republican officials. Swallowing is a must. Usually results in an appointment as bureau chief of some federal agency. Must achieve this score at least twice to head become Attorney General.
Dubya rated Brownie's fantastic hummer on national television. "Heck of a job," Dubya proclaimed, and Brownie beamed like Thomas the Tank Engine. Normally this would mean CEO of some defense or drug company at the end of the administration, but unfortunately it was during the Katrina disaster. Brownie's chances for that were severely curtailed. Not that Brownie minded, but he would have to receive his perks through the back door.
The special properties of aluminum foil that shield the brain from being read by "liberal activist" scientists. Also works nicely as a rain hat that gives the "tin roof" effect.
Dick Cheney hated getting wet for it faded his outer humanoid membrane. He discovered the tin foil hat he wore from his "undisclosed location" kept him warm and toasty.
1) Australian Delicacy surrounding the rim of Sidney.
2) Dinglerries -(See dingleberry
) in Australia.
1) We were backpacking and staying at the youth hostels while we were in Australia last year. Some of the locals pointed out some small brown pellets on the ground and called them dingoberries. They told us they were rich in proteins and could sustain a Dingo for months without another type of food. They didn't taste very good, but we ate them every chance we got. It allowed us to spend another month on the funds we came with.
2) We were on our flight back to LA when a Sydney native told us we had been eating rabbit shit for a month.
To spew out every personal detail of your life to someone you've just met.
I thought we were just complaining about how long the line was at the Handy Pantry when the guy next to me covered me with personality vomit. Before I left, I knew about his divorce, his bankruptcy, and the infection he got popping a pimple on his ass.
1)A word that was produced after Karl Rove ejaculated on a focus group.
2)Code word from Newscaster. When spoken it is a signal that means "This newscast has no ability to offer you anything but already chewed vomit. Please find another news source if you want to find out what's going on. You are looking at an image that bears no resemblance to any shred of honesty of moral conscience. Look away, look away!"
3)A juicy sounding word that distracts from more boring words like "Effective self-governance," "Competent War and Crisis Management," "Stemming of obsene corruption by friends of the administration," "incompetence," "Hey! We have no idea what were doing, and still our bank accounts are growing! Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah! Look over here! Can't see us through the smoke screen
of great words like 'surge' 'war on terror' 'mushroom cloud' 'georgie's Mushroom cap'."
1)"Whoa!" cried the group as they were covered with Rovejuice. "That was some surge!" panted KR as he swabbed his member with a damp cloth. "How does that grab ya?"
The dials all rotated to quickly to the right, so that they might escape this madman.
2)Tim Russert asked the panel on "Meet the Press" how the surge was going. This was his cue for us Russert fans to turn to Emeril on the "Food Channel," a show where Russert was co-producer.
3)The bandits had Jimmy and I at gunpoint, but Jimmy thought quick. "Surge!" he yelled, pointing at the door. The gunmen looked over, and we knocked the guns from their hands. By the time the police arrived, it was all over but the shouting.
February 05, 2008