Virgin Suicides's definitions

fart spliff

the art of lighting your cigarette or joint by ignited fart gas instead of regular lighter or match.

Butthead : say Beav, I'm bored - let's do a circle jerk.
Beavis : Nah, we did that last night.
Butthead : Okay, than let's do a fart spliff.
Beavis : Alright - I've got a doobie and a lighter and since you just ate a whole pizza with onions, pepperoni and beans, pull your pants down and bend over.
Butthead : duh, are you gonna fuck me ?
Beavis : Naw, I'm gonna light your farts and then light this spliff with the emitting gas.
Butthead : Makes sense. Cool !

by Virgin Suicides April 22, 2017

looking for mr. goodbar?

Older, pop culture phrase referencing the 1977 film of the same name starring Diane Keaton. Used to describe a (still) all too common cultural phenomenon and stereotype, whereupon entering a local watering hole, one spots a noticeably middle aging female who, without asking her, one can already glean the following details :

1. she's endlessly looking for a new job or career;

2. she's incessantly looking for a new romantic partner (or the next good lay she can drum up);

3. she's constantly looking for the next place to live (in the immediate vicinity or ANYWHERE for that matter);

4. she's perpetually looking for that 'next big thing' she can't name or describe (and obviously hasn't found yet and, like a character out of a Fitzgerald or Richard Yates novel, probably never will - 'where ARE all those golden people in that golden place ?');

in a phrase, she's a female sad bastard. She's looking for mr. goodbar.

There's Jane - again - blonde hair and blue-eyed, sitting at the bar, martini or glass of wine in hand and that all too familiar look on her face; an expression that evokes a thousand words, phrases and even questions but can be succinctly boiled down to the following : what's the matter, hon ? looking for mr. goodbar?

by Virgin Suicides November 8, 2017

Iowa Eyes

Also Iowa Lamps or Greenhorns. The way rural newcomers and persons from the provinces stare for prolonged periods of time at urban dwellers, usually with a disbelieving, gawky incredulity. The gaze predictably derives not only from the usual unfamiliarity with the pace, rhythms and protocols of city life, but also an unmistakable unlettered and unsophisticated countenance and temperament.

Sari and I tend to avoid certain urban attractions moreso in the summer than other times of the year. Places like the arcade, central fountain and the boardwalk are simply not pleasurable with all those largely rural, out-of-town tourists out and about. They tend to stare at the locals with those Iowa Eyes or Lamps as if we were circus freaks or zoo animals.

by Virgin Suicides April 4, 2024

bspsi

abbreviation for bullshit per square inch. The United States usually outpaces the world in this category, especially so since Donald Trump discovered Twitter.

Message recently seen on t-shirt : Welcome To America. More bspsi Than Even North Korea. Just Wait - We're About To Start A War Over It.

by Virgin Suicides November 29, 2017

flambos

any woman with a pair of large, teflon-like, impregnable tits. Not always pretty to look at or even flattering to the figure, but could easily open a revolving door all by themselves, serve as durable floating devices for a small navy, and might even kick your ass if they were used as boxing gloves.

Yow ! Mother of all fucks, look at the flambos on that chicky across the street! Thrilla in Manilla !!!

by Virgin Suicides May 3, 2017

professional scold(s)

aself-entitled authoritarian / martinet who, due to social standing, educational attainment or professional status, tells anyone and everyone what's good for them, whether the targeted audience cares to listen or not.

Most Fox Television News commentators and their right-wing Republican acolytes are professional scold(s); always yapping away about the moral anarchy and cultural breakdown of the country, the schools, the community, the family, et al, ad nauseum. Is anyone listening to them anymore ?

by Virgin Suicides May 21, 2017

naked makeout lady

nerdspeak for female fuck buddy.

Nerd : hey, wanna be my naked makeout lady for the forseeable future ?
Woman : hmmm, that sounds like nerdspeak for something. Since I don't have my 'Nerdspeak To English' dictionary with me, what does it mean ?
Nerd : well, in your language it means 'female fuck buddy'.
Woman : Oh. Well, no thank you.
Nerd : Well, have intercourse in that direction, you birther of canine puppies.
Woman : More nerdspeak ?
Nerd : Yep.
Woman : what could 'have intercourse in that direction, you birther of canine puppies' possibly mean ?
Nerd : it means, 'fuck you, bitch' !

by Virgin Suicides June 7, 2017