Virgin Suicides's definitions

loser's bracket

1. the sub-grouping within a competitive tournament whereby those who suffer their first loss are demoted to a pool of similar types who have suffered a like fate; one more defeat in this category renders the unfortunate complete elimination from the field.
2. a common perception that certain individuals are moving through their respective lives already having suffered some type of major defeat (or many smaller ones), thereby rendering them to a decidedly less than ideal existence.

Look at Joe : he attended all the wrong schools thereby acquiring all the wrong type of friends; this precipitated choosing the wrong type of occupation and marrying the wrong type of girl. Now he's in the wrong type of neighborhood with the wrong type of kids. Joe could be said to be existing in the loser's bracket of life.

by Virgin Suicides October 17, 2017

professional scold(s)

aself-entitled authoritarian / martinet who, due to social standing, educational attainment or professional status, tells anyone and everyone what's good for them, whether the targeted audience cares to listen or not.

Most Fox Television News commentators and their right-wing Republican acolytes are professional scold(s); always yapping away about the moral anarchy and cultural breakdown of the country, the schools, the community, the family, et al, ad nauseum. Is anyone listening to them anymore ?

by Virgin Suicides May 21, 2017

run a clear out

1. an offensive strategy in NBA basketball, whereby (since zone defenses are illegal) four players spread out several feet from the basket, thus taking their defenders with them, while allowing the ball handler to go one-on-one with the remaining defender, either opening up an opportunity to 'take it to the hole' or kicking the ball out to an open man for a potential three pointer.

2. any strategy used by an individual (or individuals) to remove several persons from a given area for the purposes of a one-on-one maneuver or encounter.

Alpha Dog At Club: Man, I'd like to hookup with that hottie across the room, but she's surrounded by four peeps who I know she's not interested in.
Alpha Dog's Wingman : So, why don't you just walk up, shove those fake players aside and show her who's boss ?
Alpha Dog: Naw, she might think I'm an asshole. I'd rather she think I was a gentleman.
Wingman : Okay, then let me recruit four memes from your entourage and we'll run a clear out . Then you can approach her one-on-one.
Alpha Dog: Now you're thinking !

by Virgin Suicides July 22, 2017

naked makeout lady

nerdspeak for female fuck buddy.

Nerd : hey, wanna be my naked makeout lady for the forseeable future ?
Woman : hmmm, that sounds like nerdspeak for something. Since I don't have my 'Nerdspeak To English' dictionary with me, what does it mean ?
Nerd : well, in your language it means 'female fuck buddy'.
Woman : Oh. Well, no thank you.
Nerd : Well, have intercourse in that direction, you birther of canine puppies.
Woman : More nerdspeak ?
Nerd : Yep.
Woman : what could 'have intercourse in that direction, you birther of canine puppies' possibly mean ?
Nerd : it means, 'fuck you, bitch' !

by Virgin Suicides June 7, 2017

666

The number of letters in President Reagan's first, last and middle names.

First Name : Ronald . Total # of letters - 6;
Middle Name : Wilson . Total # of letters - 6;
Last Name : Reagan . Total # of letters - 6.

666.

Gee, doesn't this make him the Anti-Christ ?

by Virgin Suicides April 20, 2018

Father's Day

a second, peculiar type of Mother's Day for all of the single mothers who also have to be fathers to their children.

Mama said that Mother's Day is a celebration of her natural maternal instincts as a single parent and Father's Day represents the more masculine, paternal qualities she's had to learn since she's had to raise us on her own.

by Virgin Suicides July 8, 2017

dystopian hipster theme park

the subtitle for Detroit, Michigan for the last twenty plus years. Also where professional athletes who's teams get blown out / routed in the early rounds of their respective league playoffs go to drown their sorrows.

Welcome to Detroit, your dystopian hipster theme park getaway ! Just look up every once in awhile to avoid being hit by falling broken concrete or rusted out steel beams.

Commercial Voice Over : Hey Joe Blow, your team just got the shit kicked out of it in the first round of the playoffs. What are you gonna do next ?
Joe Blow : Well I sure as hell ain't going to Disneyland now, am I ? Guess I'll head me over to the dystopian hipster theme park and smoke me some crack and chug cheap-ass wine !

by Virgin Suicides May 9, 2017