The Real Canadian's definitions

Turpintine

The stench, psychological and physical damage, and destruction that result from raising 13 kids (and counting) under dirty, creepy and abusive circumstances. It only takes one person (a close family member) to expose two weirdos for that they really are.

My partner and I wanted to buy a house in Perris, but it was covered in Turpintine. We settled for an old crack house instead.

by The Real Canadian May 5, 2018

Pretty Womaned

When you go to an expensive or prestigious store, college, club or hair salon and get snubbed or patronized because of how you look. People who look like bums, hookers, hicks (think Hee Haw) and trailer trash are frequently targeted; also, people of color and indigenous groups.

Ida Lee, who grew up in a trailer park outside Palookaville, was an honor student and cheer captain. She went to an Ivy League college on full scholarship, but the snobby students and profs Pretty Womaned her, saying that she wasn’t smart enough for university.

Elaine, a taxi driver who moonlights at an art gallery, goes to a fancy hair salon - and gets Pretty Womaned, leaving the place looking like Ronald McDonald.

LaShawn and Supinder go to Holt Renfrew, only to be Pretty Womaned by a snotty clerk. They were told that Value Village had a yellow tag sale. (LaShawn and Supinder could afford Holt Renfrew, but they’re people of color).

by The Real Canadian April 25, 2022

Timmy’s

Canada’s favorite donut shop, Timmy’s is a colloquialism for Tim Hortons (originally Tim Horton Donuts). Founded in 1964 by Toronto Maple Leafs player Tim Horton; he was killed on his way back to Toronto from a game with the Buffalo Sabres a decade later, but his spirit lives on.

It seems like everybody at work avoids our coffee in the break room, running to Timmy’s across the street instead.

by The Real Canadian July 12, 2022

Trumpanzee

A person who has a blind, cult-like admiration of and devotion to the worst President in American history, Donald Trump. Trumpanzees verbally attack people who contradict their narrow outlook on life. If you argue reasonably against Trump's racist, xenophobic and misogynistic politics, you are called a snowflake. If you mention anything you've read in The New York Times or have seen on CNN, Trumpanzee would label it fake news.

Trumpanzees tend to be fat, pasty-faced high school dropouts who:
Live in the suburbs of Palookaville;
Read the National Enquirer and some fake news site that blames Obama for America's problems;
Watch Fox News, Maury, Jerry Springer and NASCAR;
Either work part-time at McDonald's or fake illness for a monthly check from the government;
Use bad grammar and frequent f-words on social media - then call other people idiots;
Pop out future McDonald's workers, carnies, pole and lap dancers, baby mamas and daddies, and other useless people; and
Often have a trailer full of kids with different fathers.

Trumpanzees are also known for their low IQs, almost laughable devotion to God, and getting their 15 minutes of fame on the People of Walmart website wearing either ridiculous clothes or nothing at all.

Somebody needs to build a wall around that trailer park outside town. Those Trumpanzees are a bigger threat to America than those Mexicans that the fat orange orangutan in Washington keeps talking about.

by The Real Canadian May 4, 2017

Acton

A boring, working class Toronto suburb that’s populated by methheads, headbangers, 14-year-old moms, high school dropouts (or, graduates of the applied/basic level in high school), racists, religious nuts and lot lizards. If you’re ambitious, smart and not a waste case, go to college or university and don’t look back.

Milla: “I’ve just fired an Acton resident. She stole $200,000 from our budget.”
Irene: “I’m not surprised. She always comes to work stoned on meth. Her rotten teeth, racist comments against Supinder and Jerome, and stupid shit about fake news don’t help.”
Milla: “And her 12-year-old daughter just had a baby, too. I would never raise my kids in Acton. I don’t want them to end up like those lowlifes.”

by The Real Canadian February 6, 2021

Hollyweird

Hollywood, where unrealistic standards for attractiveness are expected, even enforced. It’s also the place where anything goes: sex tapes (Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton come to mind), partying while commando, adultery, multiple marriages and divorces, and just plain old bad behavior. Nobody would get away with these antics anywhere else.

Hollyweird is one big mental institution. Everybody hates on one another, cheats on their wives or girlfriends, spends too much money on another marriage that only lasts nanoseconds, and draws too much attention to themselves. Ambition is good, but this bullshit isn’t.

by The Real Canadian June 7, 2022

Horn Dog

A sexual predator (think Harvey Weinstein, Donald Trump, Roger Ailes or Matt Lauer) who keeps a respectable or high-profile job. But, of course, it only takes one (or, several) to blow their cover.

I can’t believe that anyone thinks that horn dog would make a good President. He boasts on TV about grabbing women by their pussy.

#MeToo has exposed all the horn dogs sniffing around Hollywood.

That horn dog should be in jail, not promoted.

by The Real Canadian July 8, 2021