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Telephony's definitions

red rug

What the famous red carpet actually is -- a rug rather than a carpet.

A carpet, by definition, is a permanent cloth floor covering; while a rug is a temporary floor covering which can be removed & replaced whenever desired.

So when they're "rolling out the red carpet" for the Oscars, they're actually rolling out the red rug because it is rolled back up & removed when the awards ceremony has finished.
The “Little Women” director and Baumbach, her partner — and the director of “Marriage Story” — arrived on the Oscars red rug with a whopping 12 nominations between them.
by Telephony February 9, 2020
mugGet the red rugmug.

shorty

Another name for a snipe -- that is -- a cigarrette that's been extinguished in an ashtray (or by other means) that's still long enough to be smokeable. You can also harvest the tobacco out of shorties, put the tobacco in a plastic baggie, and use it to make a rollie (two shorties should yield sufficient tobacco to make one rollie).
{Homeless guy}: Hey Stan! Check that sand urn in front of the municipal building; I hear that a lot more than just a single shorty can be gotten there -- in fact, a lot of snipes should be in there after lunchtime!!!
by Telephony August 27, 2012
mugGet the shortymug.

overfloaded

How some children say the word, "overflowed".
{Craig}: Mom, the toilet is overfloaded!
{Mom}: Hang on honey, I'll be right there.
by Telephony August 17, 2021
mugGet the overfloadedmug.

paper toliets

What some children call toliet paper (bungwipe, buttwipe, TP, etc.)
Mommy, the paper toliets are out again!
by Telephony January 5, 2014
mugGet the paper tolietsmug.

whirling down the shitbowl

Going to pot, going to hell in a handbasket; a way of saying that a situation or a person's condition is deteriorating extremely rapidly.
Mom's mind is whirling down the shitbowl; she always forgets to take her meds, she lies in bed naked all day, she has poopinary and pissinary incontinence, she won't even get up to get a glass of water.
by Telephony May 4, 2019
mugGet the whirling down the shitbowlmug.

douche out

Hey Norm, don't forget to douche out that carafay before you start a new pot of coffee!
by Telephony July 17, 2014
mugGet the douche outmug.

Santa Clause

An unfortunate but extremely common misspelling of Santa Claus, a fat man who breaks into people's homes every December 24th, guzzles their milk, devours their cookies, and usually leaves presents under the tree -- though if your children behaved especially shittly earlier in the year, a lump of coal that's been uranated on will be deposited in their Christmas stocking instead of brightly-wrapped presents.

Santa usually enters people's homes via the fireplace chimney; though if the chimney's plugged up, the flue is closed, if a fire is still burning, or if the person lives in an apartment and has no chimney, he'll find some other method of entrance and egress -- such as by jimmying a window.
Santa Clause came down the chimney last night and left a huge pile of coal that smelled like piss! Wonder what the children did to piddle off the fat bastard so much?!?
by Telephony December 25, 2020
mugGet the Santa Clausemug.

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