Napoledrones often overcompensate for their lack of experience by bragging about their private-school educations
the person who can always intuit when a coworker is stressed out and will magically appear to give a two-minute massage to those in need
Johnny Fingers enjoys giving massages to male and female workers alike as a selfless, altruistic gesture.
When it comes to anything outside the realm of television, sports, or pop culture, Hall Monitors are boderline retarded, but they're so agreeable and good-natured that they appeal to everyone nonetheless.
Splitscreens can watch C-SPAN streams, talk on the phone, listen to the radio, send instant messages, and read CNN online all at once.
Laymen paparazzi who commonly spot people who look "just like" celebrities at the mall, church, and Applebee's.
Page Eighty-Sixers point to random people they encounter in public and say, "Doesn't that person look just like Colin Farrell?"
A gay male who claims to be straight but nevertheless frequents gay clubs and bathhouses to score gay sex.