Definitions by QuacksO
Sturgeon General
Sturgeon General by QuacksO February 24, 2015
official meaning
A savvy person's correct interpretation of what a two-faced public OFFICIAL (policeman, politician, etc) truly MEANS by a seemingly harmless/helpful/conciliatory remark.
Hall monitor, to delinquent student whom he is chasing: "I just want to talk to you."
"Official" meaning (what "The Book" states that the security guard supposedly means): "I'm not going to detain or even lay a hand on you --- I merely wish to verbally ask you what your issues are, sympathetically discuss them with you, and try to help you find a solution that will be palatable to all concerned parties."
Official meaning (what the dude with the badge is really saying): "You're in big trouble, kid --- I don't give a rat's ass what you say or how innocent you are; I'm gonna slap da cuffs on you and put you in detention! It's how I get my rocks off."
Delinquency-hearing board-member, to an under-review adolescent who is peering uncertainly around the meeting-room door: "Come on in and sit down, young man --- we don't bite."
"Official" meaning: "You have noithng to fear from us, son --- we're totally fair and just, and we only wish to hear your case and decide appropriate discipline, if any."
Official meaning: "We fat cats around this table are all in cahoots, and we enjoy makiing things warm for 'unpopular' youngsters like you. We practically have the power of life or death over you, and we gleefully use that power, too."
"Official" meaning (what "The Book" states that the security guard supposedly means): "I'm not going to detain or even lay a hand on you --- I merely wish to verbally ask you what your issues are, sympathetically discuss them with you, and try to help you find a solution that will be palatable to all concerned parties."
Official meaning (what the dude with the badge is really saying): "You're in big trouble, kid --- I don't give a rat's ass what you say or how innocent you are; I'm gonna slap da cuffs on you and put you in detention! It's how I get my rocks off."
Delinquency-hearing board-member, to an under-review adolescent who is peering uncertainly around the meeting-room door: "Come on in and sit down, young man --- we don't bite."
"Official" meaning: "You have noithng to fear from us, son --- we're totally fair and just, and we only wish to hear your case and decide appropriate discipline, if any."
Official meaning: "We fat cats around this table are all in cahoots, and we enjoy makiing things warm for 'unpopular' youngsters like you. We practically have the power of life or death over you, and we gleefully use that power, too."
official meaning by QuacksO January 26, 2015
guy equation
A simple algebra-type (A, B, C, and D) formula that illustrates the primary brain activity of a typical male when viewing members of the opposite gender.
She: Why do you want to know what size bra I wear?
He: Oh, just 'cause I'm a guy, and so I follow the guy equation --- A. We're guys. B. Guys love boobs. C. Double-D.
He: Oh, just 'cause I'm a guy, and so I follow the guy equation --- A. We're guys. B. Guys love boobs. C. Double-D.
guy equation by QuacksO January 24, 2015
collarship
An all-expenses-waived course for Fido to attend obedience school or any other canine-related educational establishment.
Certain members of Man's best friends may qualify for a full collarship, such as those who are exceptionally even-tempered, are registered therapy-dogs, or are extra-intelligent canines who are being trained to assist disabled people.
collarship by QuacksO January 22, 2015
asspirations
(n.) Refers to two different posterior-related subjects:
1. Motivated dreams/hopes of being permitted sexual access to someone's behind (i.e., "given ass")
2. Farts (i.e., “anal respirations”).
One should note that such bodily expulsions (especially if they are excessively loud/odiferous) as mentioned in Definition 2 may very likely have a direct and dramatic "dampening effect" on the intensity of the desirous thoughts/feelings described in Definition 1. Nothing turns off someone of either gender more quickly/dramatically than a humongous load of sulphur-flavored methane ejected at close range. This instantaneous negative reaction can either be an enormously vexing problem or an incredibly useful tool, depending on the circumstances and the wishes/intent of the wind-breaker. On the one hand, for example, if someone is trying to cause his/her romantic partner to feel happy and comfortable about bodily-sharing, he will want to make the experience as pleasant/peaceful as possible, and so any carelessly-released bubble of gas would definitely be inadvisable. If, however, one of the "lovers" is having serious doubts about the compatibility/advisability of the romantic union, his "letting one rip" can be a powerful strategy to cause the other person to quickly lose interest and flee, without either individual's actually saying anything to discourage further lovemaking.
1. Motivated dreams/hopes of being permitted sexual access to someone's behind (i.e., "given ass")
2. Farts (i.e., “anal respirations”).
One should note that such bodily expulsions (especially if they are excessively loud/odiferous) as mentioned in Definition 2 may very likely have a direct and dramatic "dampening effect" on the intensity of the desirous thoughts/feelings described in Definition 1. Nothing turns off someone of either gender more quickly/dramatically than a humongous load of sulphur-flavored methane ejected at close range. This instantaneous negative reaction can either be an enormously vexing problem or an incredibly useful tool, depending on the circumstances and the wishes/intent of the wind-breaker. On the one hand, for example, if someone is trying to cause his/her romantic partner to feel happy and comfortable about bodily-sharing, he will want to make the experience as pleasant/peaceful as possible, and so any carelessly-released bubble of gas would definitely be inadvisable. If, however, one of the "lovers" is having serious doubts about the compatibility/advisability of the romantic union, his "letting one rip" can be a powerful strategy to cause the other person to quickly lose interest and flee, without either individual's actually saying anything to discourage further lovemaking.
Baked-bean-loving dude: I have **great asspirations** every time I see a chick with a cute round bum, but then I always drive her away with my **bodily asspirations** that invariably seem to pop out right when we're in the middle of humpin'.
asspirations by QuacksO January 14, 2015
Noh-wuh!
(interj.) Used to indignantly turn down/refuse to even consider a preposterous request, suggestion, query, etc., especially when the speaker (usually female) is mildly outraged, feeling that the asker (usually male) should know better than to even ask such a thing, and considering the question to be beneath her diginity and/or an insult to her intelligence, as if the asker really thinks that the speaker is so incredibly stupid/naive that she would actually not see through such an obvious and thinly-veiled "loaded" remark.
Girl (disgustedly): Haven't you got ANYTHING better to say than chauvenistic wisecracks??? You've been razzin' me all morning!
Guy (grinning impishly): Yeah, I know --- awful, aren't I? So whatcha gonna DO about it --- SLAP MY BUTT?
Girl (indignantly): Noh-wuh!
Guy (disappointed): "Noh-wuh"?? No spankin' my butt to get back at me fer sassin' ya??
Girl (smugly): No-wuh! Cuz you might ENJOY it! I wasn't BORN YESTERDAY, y'know!
Guy (grinning impishly): Yeah, I know --- awful, aren't I? So whatcha gonna DO about it --- SLAP MY BUTT?
Girl (indignantly): Noh-wuh!
Guy (disappointed): "Noh-wuh"?? No spankin' my butt to get back at me fer sassin' ya??
Girl (smugly): No-wuh! Cuz you might ENJOY it! I wasn't BORN YESTERDAY, y'know!
Preparation H
Recipe from Hell. Refers to any concoction or mixture of two or more substances (a home-made remedy, restaurant offering, bartender creation, etc) that almost nobody can stand; this unappealing product can seem even more repulsive if there are one or two weirdos who actually enjoy or support the existence of the horrid cocktail.
I don't know how that bewhiskered snake-oil hippie is actually still selling all of that Preparation H he's hawking --- I'd have to be insane to even take a whiff of that disgusting goo!
Preparation H by QuacksO January 13, 2015