Definitions by QuacksO
When all else fails, get a bigger hammer
AFTER thoroughly reading the instruction manual, of course, to see if that might help you to get it to work properly without resorting to such drastic measures :D
Seasoned mechanic, talking to an elderly long-retired grease-monkey buddy on the phone: I have a '58 Ford 350 two-ton flatbed here with a frozen rear brake-drum --- I've tried WD-40, I've tried penetrating-oil, I've banged on it with a two-pound sledge, and then even a five-pound sledge, but it still refuses to budge... any ideas?
Aged grease-monkey: Yes, indeed, Son --- get an eight-pounder and really have at it.
Seasoned mechanic, in plaintive shock: But... but... I'll BREAK it if I do THAT!
Aged grease-monkey, confidently: No, you won't --- trust me --- those beefy old solid-iron brakes are made extra-tough, specifically to safely withstand the extra force of being overhauled like this. Just get up your nerve and really clobber on it!
Mechanic, hesitantly: Okaayyy... if you say so... hold the line... gets a huge sledge hammer and reluctantly but resolutely bashes the ancient brake drum, then steps back in wide-eyed surprise when the ponderous hammer just harmlessly bounces off; emboldened, he rears back and really takes a mighty swing at the drum again, knocking the drum loose and sending it flying halfway across the shop. He picks it up and is flabbergasted to see that it is still fully intact, and with only a very minor surface-scuffing. So he lifts the phone again in pleased bewilderment Wow --- you were right... it came off with just two whacks, and I didn't damage it at all!
Aged mechanic: See? Tolja it would be okay... when all else fails, get a bigger hammer!
Aged grease-monkey: Yes, indeed, Son --- get an eight-pounder and really have at it.
Seasoned mechanic, in plaintive shock: But... but... I'll BREAK it if I do THAT!
Aged grease-monkey, confidently: No, you won't --- trust me --- those beefy old solid-iron brakes are made extra-tough, specifically to safely withstand the extra force of being overhauled like this. Just get up your nerve and really clobber on it!
Mechanic, hesitantly: Okaayyy... if you say so... hold the line... gets a huge sledge hammer and reluctantly but resolutely bashes the ancient brake drum, then steps back in wide-eyed surprise when the ponderous hammer just harmlessly bounces off; emboldened, he rears back and really takes a mighty swing at the drum again, knocking the drum loose and sending it flying halfway across the shop. He picks it up and is flabbergasted to see that it is still fully intact, and with only a very minor surface-scuffing. So he lifts the phone again in pleased bewilderment Wow --- you were right... it came off with just two whacks, and I didn't damage it at all!
Aged mechanic: See? Tolja it would be okay... when all else fails, get a bigger hammer!
When all else fails, get a bigger hammer by QuacksO February 13, 2017
it's only temporary
A statement that 99.99% guarantees that a suddenly-foisted-upon-you undesirable situation/stipulation will be absolutely permanent, or at best will last for many months or even years. Alternative versions or "classic" variations include, "It's just till we get back on our feet" or "It's only till the third of next month", but we all know that things very seldom work out that way, particularly with "unmotivated" people who feel little urge to truly or actively exert themselves significantly to seek employment or otherwise improve their situation on their own, especially since they have you as a "crutch" to fulfill their basic daily-living needs for the time being.
Disgruntled middle-aged parent My teenage daughter assured me that, "It's only temporary" when she asked me to let her deadbeat boyfriend move in with us so that he'd have a place to live while he was "between jobs", but that was six months ago, and he's generally done nuthin' but munch potato chips and sit in front of the computer or TV all day and half the night!
it's only temporary by QuacksO February 10, 2017
Help me to help you
A totally threadbare request/remonstration designed to merely extort excessive/unwarranted effort/labor from someone, but without said outlay's truly creating any significant improvement in the person's life or in his overall physical/mental/emotional/legal/financial/social status.
Probation officer: Now, Son, you know how much I care about you, and I have your best interests at heart. I need for you to prove to me and my supervisors that you are indeed a responsible-minded young man, though, so I want you to volunteer to work 20 hours a week at the local cattle-farm... it'll allow me to better convince the authorities to "wipe the slate clean" and restore your driving privileges.
Teenager, scowling disgustedly: Yeah, right --- you actually expect me to go and bust my ass in the hot sun shovellin' manure and diggin' fence-post holes for four hours a day, and not get a DIME for my efforts?!??? Sound to me like a classic "help me to help you" stunt just to get some free labor out of me --- no THANKS!
Teenager, scowling disgustedly: Yeah, right --- you actually expect me to go and bust my ass in the hot sun shovellin' manure and diggin' fence-post holes for four hours a day, and not get a DIME for my efforts?!??? Sound to me like a classic "help me to help you" stunt just to get some free labor out of me --- no THANKS!
Help me to help you by QuacksO February 10, 2017
sandwich-hug
A "make someone feel special" hug that's administered when there are only three people present; unlike the classic "group-hug special" (three people forming a group-hugging "triangle" around a fourth person who is the "special" one), this embrace involves having the "special" person face one of the other two people and snuggle up against him chest-to-chest, and then the third person comes up behind the "special" person and extends his arms forward on either side of the "special" person, while the first person does likewise, so that he and the third person hug each other "from a distance", and are both hugging the "special" person in the process.
Slim cutie, strolling on the beach arm-in-arm with two mushy-hearted admirers: Oh, yeah, I almost forgot --- today's my seventeenth birthday.
One of her two companions: Really? Well, then --- let's give Birthday Girl a great big ol' sandwich-hug!
Cutie, placidly closing her eyes to better savor her companions' cuddly attention: Awww... thanks, fellas --- mmmmmm... there's really nuthin' quite so comforting for a girl as havin' TWO big warm fuzzy chests snugglin' up from both directions!
Other admirer: Well, it's the least we can do for ya, Sweet Cheex --- too bad the rest of our peeps are away at the pool, or we coulda all given ya a humongous CROWD-HUG and thrown ya a nice birthday party. But at least the two of us can give ya **sandwich-snugglez**!
First admirer: Yes, and then we can all go to the diner for some pipin'-hot grilled-cheese **sandwiches**!
One of her two companions: Really? Well, then --- let's give Birthday Girl a great big ol' sandwich-hug!
Cutie, placidly closing her eyes to better savor her companions' cuddly attention: Awww... thanks, fellas --- mmmmmm... there's really nuthin' quite so comforting for a girl as havin' TWO big warm fuzzy chests snugglin' up from both directions!
Other admirer: Well, it's the least we can do for ya, Sweet Cheex --- too bad the rest of our peeps are away at the pool, or we coulda all given ya a humongous CROWD-HUG and thrown ya a nice birthday party. But at least the two of us can give ya **sandwich-snugglez**!
First admirer: Yes, and then we can all go to the diner for some pipin'-hot grilled-cheese **sandwiches**!
sandwich-hug by QuacksO February 5, 2017
good spirits
A. A positive cheerful jovial mood
B. Higher-quality alcoholic beverages that contribute to the elevated frame of mind described in Example A
B. Higher-quality alcoholic beverages that contribute to the elevated frame of mind described in Example A
My bibulous and finicky neighbor is in "good spirits" only if he has access to ample quantities of **good spirits**, as in, finer-tasting (and also costlier!) liquors than the bargain-basement Black Velvet variety.
good spirits by QuacksO February 4, 2017
Catch-23
One logical step beyond the classic "Catch-22" (you may be excused from bombing missions if you've become combat-crazed, but if you're mentally able to actually request to be excused, then this indicates that you must also still be sane enough to continue fighting), this horrendously unreasonable and unrealistic stipulation states that if you are physically/mentally/emotionally disabled, you are eligible to begin receiving disability benefits, but if you are fit/lucid enough to be able to apply for said benefits and to properly fill out the required paperwork, then you must not be too disabled to hold a job.
I'm probably eligible for veteran's children's benefits, since I am unable to hold a job due to my traumatic upbringing caused by my veteran father's PTSD, but I am afraid to apply for it because I might not only be turned down due to Catch-23, but I might also lose my SSI and Food Stamps, since my act of applying would cause me to be brought more to "their" attention, and thus I would greatly risk being a victim of "and furthermore" syndrome.
self-help paradox
The age-old conundrum of "people who seek self-improvement vs. people who need self-improvement" --- generally speaking, the people who are conscientious and unashamedly self-examining enough to actively seek ways to improve themselves do not really need to self-improve very much, whereas the people who truly do need to improve themselves will not admit that they even HAVE a self-inadequacy problem, and so they arrogantly/impatiently refuse to seek or accept help in improving their character or behavior (think, the infamous "getters gettin' got" conversation between Madea and Dr. Phil).
Client, to counsellor, at the outset of their weekly meeting: Breaker one-five for reality check --- come on back?
Counsellor, playing along: Yeah, go ahead, Breaker --- reading you wall-to-wall and treetop-tall.
Client: Thanks --- that's a big ten-four, good buddy. Well, I'm in the process of trying to improve myself, and so I thought I'd send a random shout-out over the waves to check my progress. I've been trying to be more sociable and patient and helpful to everyone, visualize things more from their perspective, and so on.
Counsellor: Well, eights and other good numbers to you on THAT one, good buddy --- that's certainly a positive start. Have you tried self-help books?
Client: Oh, a great BIG ten-four THERE, good buddy --- I've read at least a half-dozen of 'em cover-to-cover, and loved every page; the problem, though, is that I never seem to find any new ideas --- most everything in there is stuff I already know about and am actively practicing, so the books just reassuringly confirm the nature and wisdom of my efforts, not provide fresh perspectives for further improvement.
Counsellor: Ah... well, ten-four, good buddy --- I totally "get you" there... the old "self-help paradox", eh?? The only people who'll read those books are ones who don't need 'em!
Counsellor, playing along: Yeah, go ahead, Breaker --- reading you wall-to-wall and treetop-tall.
Client: Thanks --- that's a big ten-four, good buddy. Well, I'm in the process of trying to improve myself, and so I thought I'd send a random shout-out over the waves to check my progress. I've been trying to be more sociable and patient and helpful to everyone, visualize things more from their perspective, and so on.
Counsellor: Well, eights and other good numbers to you on THAT one, good buddy --- that's certainly a positive start. Have you tried self-help books?
Client: Oh, a great BIG ten-four THERE, good buddy --- I've read at least a half-dozen of 'em cover-to-cover, and loved every page; the problem, though, is that I never seem to find any new ideas --- most everything in there is stuff I already know about and am actively practicing, so the books just reassuringly confirm the nature and wisdom of my efforts, not provide fresh perspectives for further improvement.
Counsellor: Ah... well, ten-four, good buddy --- I totally "get you" there... the old "self-help paradox", eh?? The only people who'll read those books are ones who don't need 'em!
self-help paradox by QuacksO February 3, 2017