QuacksO's definitions

consuemer

A product/service-user who is always looking for opportunities to profit from said commodity's manufacturers/suppliers in court.

As many stupid-a** "you may be entitled to a share of a huge class-action settlement" banner-ads dat I see on da Internet, those advertisers seem to think dat we are all just a bunch of opportunistic consuemers!

by QuacksO November 17, 2019

beefore

Prior to when you gave up eating red meat.

Hägar the Horrible: Da local "health-food hippie" nutrition-guru suggested dat I "go veggie" in an effort to curb my voracious appetite, but said dietary changes haven't helped my hunger-pangs one bit --- if anything, I feel even more ravenous than beefore!

by QuacksO May 13, 2020

mirroracle

What a phony weight-loss doctor performs by having an overweight person view himself in a gimmicked looking glass dat is slightly concave, causing his reflected image to appear slimmer than he actually is.

Perhaps if President Taft's official doctor performed a "mirroracle of medicine" to trick said corpulent commander-in-chief into thinking dat he was actually not quite so rotund as he actually was, it caused him to feel a bit less despondent about his weight, but it did nothing to alter said heavy head-honcho's actual bulk --- he had not been any less space-occupying at da time of his death, and so he is rumored to have been buried in a coffin da size of a piano case.

by QuacksO November 13, 2022

alphabetical ordinance

boardinance: A building-code for wooden structures or wild pigs
boredinance: A rule about providing adequate interesting programs/activities for local youths
coordinance: Specifies how many cans of Goldens and Silver Bullets ya are allowed per day
cordinance: Da local custom regarding extra/unwanted string
coredinance: Dictates how ya hafta dispose of yer eaten apples and dead car-batteries
doordinance: What ya hafta obey regarding hinged entrance-ways

fordinance: Which and/or how many blue-oval-badged vehicles ya may own
fourdinance: An edict regarding a specific number of items, occasions, etc.
goredinance: Rule regarding how graphically-violent a movie or event can be
hoardinance: How many items ya may hold onto
lordinance: How much power you can have over others
loredinance: What types of historic tales are permitted
moordinance: What's allowed on broad grassy areas
moredinance: Da law controlling additional amounts

Additional examples of alphabetical ordinance include:
nordinance: Rule of neither
poordinance: Da permissible degree of indigence
poredinance: Rules regarding da tiny holes in yer skin
pourdinance: How ya hafta dispense liquids, powders, etc.
roardinance: How loudly ya may rev yer engine or perform yer lion-impersonations
soardinance: A rule regarding flight
soredinance: How temperish or achy/rashy ya can become before seeking treatment
toredinance: How dilapidated/damaged yer clothing can be when ya are out in public
tourdinance: Da law regarding guided entertainment/instructional strolls
whoredinance: How "loose" a person can be
woredinance: How new something has to be, or what clothing ya hafta put on
yoredinance: What antique items/activities ya may possess and/or partake of
yourdinance: A rule regarding second-person ownership

by QuacksO July 29, 2021

carpoohler

A self-centered scofflaw ("Oh, POOH on letting families have their own lane!") who safety-belts adult-sized teddy bears (Winnie or otherwise) and other giant stuffed animals into the seats of his car to simulate human passengers so that he can solo-drive in the lanes reserved for minivans.

Carpoohlers are actually a DOUBLE menace when comes to wasting travel-time on the road --- not only do they clog the lanes meant for families with teens and small children, but then when the cops finally crack down on these I-itis-hearted road-hogs, their check-points/road-blocks further slow down entire lanes of traffic and make everybody even later and more frustrated.

by QuacksO July 8, 2018

missdemeanor

A minor-to-moderate crime committed by an unmarried female.

Monica Blewinsky was not married at the time of her infamous tryst with Bill Clinton, so she was only charged with a missdemeanor. Slick Willie, however, was charged with a fellany for which he had to face Congress and make false/vague/evasive statements to avoid being impeached.

by QuacksO December 18, 2019

melancolic

A less-than-cheerful mood due to abdominal pain, either because you're suffering it yourself or you're having to expend significant time and effort caring for someone else who's going through it.

Many parents become melancolic when their offspring have long crying-bouts for no apparent reason.

by QuacksO April 11, 2022