QuacksO's definitions

fart-detecting compound

A.k.a. finely-pulverized talc. A substance utilized when you want to find out who's been cutting the cheese, but nobody's willing to 'fess up; the simple procedure involves having everyone strip down and stretch out on their stomachs, whereupon you sprinkle a moderate dusting of baby-powder on the lower half of their ass-cheeks, then watch for a "puffball eruption" --- busted!

Using fart-detecting compound can indeed be an excellent way of reliably determining "who did it", but you will want to be wary about slapping said odiferous-offender's butt afterwards, especially if you're an attractive female --- as you are all too aware, many dudes actually **enjoy** getting spanked by a cute gal (we find it fun and hilariously amusing, plus it makes us horny), and so your hot-headed attempt at getting back at said "whistleblower" may actually "backfire" --- literally! (Pun not intended, but certainly spot-on appropriate in this instance!) Said gassy dude --- and by extension, one or more of his other buddies in the room --- may then begin actively "tuning up the brass band" (and possibly even chow down on baked beans or other gas-producing delicacies to ensure an ample/continuous "supply" ) so as to "earn" smartly-administered swats from you, eventually leaving you with stinging palms and a major headache from da resulting stench.

by QuacksO December 4, 2018

Alphabet Rambo

A 26-part "learning made fun and easy" kiddie-video series, hosted by everyone's favorite rebellious Marine. Examples include:
ARambo: John shows us assorted military long-guns.
BRAmbo" John advises "budding" girls on choosing the right undergarment.
CRAMbo: John studies hard for an upcoming exam.

The "Alphabet Rambo" collection also comprises the following highly-entertaining episodes:
DRAMbo: John discusses small-volume measurements used by the corner druggist.
ERAmbo: John reminisces about various periods in social culture.
FRAMbo: John changes the oil in his car
GRAMbo: Special guest-appearance of John's "Big Ma".
HRambo: John discusses the importance of networking.
IRAmbo. John discusses saving for the long term.
JRambo: Special guest-appearance of John's son.
KRAMbo: "Heavy duty" version of Episode #3.
LRambo: John shows which hand is which.
MRambo: John discusses masculinity.
NRAmbo: John discusses his firearms-organization membership.
ORambo: John discusses choices and alternatives.
PRambo: John discusses the importance of a good reputation.
QRambo: John shows us various bar-codes.
RRambo: John takes us track-side to show us locomotives and cars, plus the awesome equipment used in running and maintaining trains.
SRambo: Special guest-appearance of John's father.
TRAMbo: John takes us along on a ride in a cable-car up a mountainside.
URAmbo: John tells us about the Urban Redevelopment Authority.
VRambo: John demonstrates 3-D video imagery.
WRambo: John shows how letters are sometimes silent.
XRAMbo: .sweiv laicos laisrevortnoc sih dna lraK suomafni eht sessucsid nhoJ
YRAMbo: .“neeuq noitucexe” yrutnec-ht61 suoiroton eht sessucsid nhoJ
ZRAMbo: .yrewerb ogacihC a fo ruot a no su sekat nhoJ

by QuacksO December 4, 2018

assetone

A semi-caustic fluid that you apply to your butt-cheeks to help firm and sculpt it into more shapely contours.

I prefer not to have my posterior feel like it's on fire, so I guess Ell Passo on da assetone and just resign myself to having a somewhat saggy/bulgy butt, thank you very much!

by QuacksO December 5, 2018

ambevelent

A lack of consistency in one's opinions on how knives and chisels should be sharpened.

With the innumerable and conflicting advisories on what the ideal blade-edge is and how to achieve said results, it's hard not to be at least somewhat ambevelent on the subject.

by QuacksO December 5, 2018

Just the FAX, Ma'am

What an officer or detective says to a distraught lady who is bringing him piles of assorted documents, when all he'd come for was a single facsimile-printer page that is significant to his investigation.

Retired P.I.: Years ago before the advent of the Internet and junk e-mails, I investigated countless instances of over-zealous companies' sending unrequested ads/newsletters to other businesses' printer/phone-combo machines, and so I was having to frequently say, "Just the FAX, Ma'am" when a distraught secretary would be almost-hysterically showing me all the voluminous sheafs of junk-mail that her office was receiving every day.

by QuacksO December 7, 2018

BTU-saving entry/exit

Refers to a K1-saving action that you take during colder weather, and consists of rapidly opening the front door of a home/business only as far as you need to in order to quickly slither through, and hastily slapping the door shut again to minimize heat-escape.

Small barber-shop owner: Most of my customers don't seem to realize that it really costs me a pretty penny to heat my place of business... they leisurely take their sweet old time to amble in and out, and just let the door gradually close on its own. A few thoughtful/aware folks, though, do diligently employ the "BTU-saving entry/exit" procedure when passing through my door, and I really appreciate that.

by QuacksO December 7, 2018

dispiciple

The follower of an evil or pathetic leadership-figure.

Tronald Dump seems to think he is God; I wonder how many dispiciples he has who actually agree with him.

by QuacksO December 7, 2018