QuacksO's definitions

misscreant

A female delinquent. Her "fairer gender" means that she can get away with a lot more --- or be punished a lot less (think Mary Kay Letourneau, who only served a comparatively short sentence for a super-serious crime that a man in the same position would likely have gotten decades of prison time) --- than a guy trying the same shenanigans.

The use of misscreants to aid in committing crimes has long been practiced --- people are just naturally more trusting of females, and so they tend not to be monitored so closely as their male counterparts would be. Adult men looking to steal from a place of business often send girls or younger women into said store beforehand to either distract the staffpeople or to commit the pilfering themselves.

by QuacksO July 23, 2019

Windiana Jones

Da famous adventurer and crime-fighter who used his exceptionally-gaseous butt-trumpet as his signature weapon.

If Windiana Jones goofed up and whizzpopped towards da wrong person, would he then come and humbly admit dat he was "da schmuck who farted in yer face earlier"?

by QuacksO February 17, 2025

postage-pinchpenny

Someone who constantly attempts to minimize the cost of sending his outgoing mail, perhaps even resorting to dishonest/advantage-taking measures to save even more.

One of the most effective ways to be a postage-pinchpenny is to simply "reverse the charges" --- i.e., write your mail-piece's recipient's name and address in the space where its sender's address-information is supposed to go (and vice-versa), then slap a few cents'-worth of postage on the envelope/box so that it still won't cost you much to ship your parcel but it won't blatantly look as if you are merely trying to mail the parcel for free, and deposit your item in the Post Office's "anonymous" mail-slot or "outside box" to avoid your having to face the scrutinizing eyes of a postal employee who naturally would just reject the package right off. Then, of course, the Post Office will have no choice but to just unwittingly go ahead and deliver your package to its intended recipient (incorrectly believing that he is the sender who grossly under-stamped the package, and that they are therefore merely performing a "returned to sender for postage" procedure); this works best for merely "local-destination" mail, since the Post Office might balk --- and be suspicious about how this "distantly"-return-addressed parcel ever got into their "local" outgoing-mail box --- at expensively "returning" a mail-piece to a faraway location.

by QuacksO February 8, 2019

auto-immune disorder

An serious illness characterized by the inability to resist the allure of motor vehicles, whether it's buying more cars than you need, needlessly driving/riding in them for extended periods of time, tinkering/upgrading them unnecessarily, etc.

Tim The Tool-man couldn't resist driving his wife's antique Austin-Healey sports car even though she'd expressly forbidden him to touch it. He admits that he has auto-immune disorder --- he's thinking of checking into the Henry Ford Clinic. :P

by QuacksO July 19, 2018

'steddah

A phonetic shortcut of the phrase "instead of".

Maine humorist Marshal Dodge: Guess I shoulda turned left 'steddah right at da intuhsection back thayuh --- I was trying to get to Millinocket, but I ended up in East Vassalboro!

by QuacksO November 10, 2018

pass-along birthday present

Humorous-but-heartwarming term dat refers to where you either:
(1) receive a gift from Birthday Boy/Girl dat he/she had received on said "special day", but he/she forwarded it to you because said item was more compatible wif your lifestyle than it would have been for said "original" recipient, or

(2) have something extra-nice/pleasant/fortunate happen to you (i.e., perhaps you score unexpectedly high in a game/contest, receive a wonderful gift, are extra-successful while performing some difficult/disagreeable endeavor, find one or more greatly-desired items on sale/in stock at a store, etc.) on someone else's birthday.

Giving pass-along birthday presents can be just as enjoyable and bring just as much happiness to da person having da birthday as if he'd kept da presents for himself, since he will know dat whomever he's giving da items to will be enjoying/utilizing them even more than he would have. Same deal if a friend beamingly tells you of something extra-fortunate dat happened to him on your birthday, since you can feel glowingly radiant in your heart dat your good buddy experienced something dat made his life easier and/or more fun/pleasant.

by QuacksO October 15, 2021

money lawndering

Da shameless "dressing it up all pretty and nice" practice of making ill-gotten wealth appear "clean, green, and refreshingly pristine" just like da lovely thick carpet of grass in yer yard, while covering up all of da underlying "dirt" --- i.e., da various "soiled 'n' unclean" methods --- dat were actually employed to obtain said undeserved riches.

As much "dirty money" as Burnie Madeoff MADE OFF WITH and BURNED THROUGH, he'd have needed a bleepin' PROFESSIONAL LANDSCAPER to do his money lawndering for him --- merely a regular "seed, fertilize, and water" operation wouldn't cut it in his case, given da colossal degree of HIS financial misdeeds!

by QuacksO January 20, 2021