QuacksO's definitions

"escape hatch" sneeze

Refers to a humongous "ah-choo!" that you consciously "divert" or "re-direct" the air-blast force of through your throat and out your mouth --- rather than letting it travel its "standard" path through your sinuses and out your nose --- thereby reducing the risk of a "wet 'n' messy" spray from your nostrils. Of course, you should still always cover your nose and mouth to minimize germy emanations in any case.

Performing the "escape hatch" sneeze can indeed often allow for cleaner nasal-cannon discharging, but it can also lead to hoarseness and a painful throat if excessively utilized in a fairly short period of time.

by QuacksO September 21, 2020

jettason

To rocket a person or object vertically out of da front seat of da Knight Industries 2000 car after having pushed da "Eject R" or "Eject L" button, if said tricked-out ride had been made by Volkswagen instead of Pontiac.

Many of da earlier-model VWs had either convertible tops or a sunroof, so I suppose dat they could have been outfitted to jettason its occupants skyward if desired.

by QuacksO April 6, 2024

toddyler

A pre- or early "terrible twos" human whose existence and/or presence involved alcoholic beverages somewhere along da way.

If a young child is described as a "toddyler", it can mean one or more of several things, such as dat one or both parents had been judgement-cloudingly buzzed at da time of conception, da couple had not been entirely sober when they'd signed da adoption papers, etc.

by QuacksO December 10, 2022

superstitchion

Da fearful belief dat you'll have bad luck less'n you promptly employ da ol' needle-and-thread to repair your clothing, such as to patch a hole, lace up a tear, or re-attach a button.

It's merely a superstitchion, of course, dat something awful will happen if you don't stay diligent wif your fabric-mending skills, but it is indeed a good idea to carry a sewing-kit wif you so dat you can keep your duds in good shape... remember, "A stitch in time saves nine."

by QuacksO September 10, 2019

cusstody proceedings

Legal wrangling over stewardship dat is laced with "salty" adjectives.

Two wise pieces of advice during child-cusstody proceedings: one, never allow da youngsters in question to be present during said expletive-riddled meetings, since their tender ears should not be subjected to anything "heavier" than G-rated word-choices. And two, carefully note which parent uses more "colorful" adjectives; this can often greatly determine which of them would be a more appropriate guardian for said vulnerable-minded little ones.

by QuacksO June 15, 2020

waiving goodbye

The act of not requiring someone to bid one or more other humans farewell if doing so would be too emotionally distressing. Or the uncomfortable person himself decides to just "sneak out early" before others are awake to observe his departure, so that he doesn't have to endure the whole "long tearful parting" crap that would otherwise be "socially mandatory" if the other folks knew he was leaving.

A prime example of "waiving goodbye" is related in the classic "origin of the yodel" joke: the traveler heads out "at first cock's crow" from the farmer's barn where he'd been sleeping overnight, so that there wouldn't be any embarrassing --- and possibly dangerous! --- explaining to do if the farmer's wife and/or daughter decided to do any joyful "crowing" of their own about the wonderful things that the traveler had performed with his own "cock" on them the previous evening when they had separately gone out to the barn to bring him food and wine for his supper.

by QuacksO August 4, 2019

payrole

(1) A probationary status at your place of employment after having been convicted of either "padding" your work-hours or periodically snitching a few bucks from da cash register to supplement your take-home pay.
(2) A probation arrangement whereby you actually get paid a wage for behaving yourself.

Since ex-cons are often automatically suspected whenever a crime occurs in their vicinity, I was glad dat my work-release-program employer was able to definitively find out dat it was one of his regular employees who had been skimming da till, so dat my clean payrole-record didn't get undeservedly tarnished.

by QuacksO August 26, 2023