Definitions by OneWhoKnowsBetter
Calexit
A movement in California whose goal is to seceed from the USA nd maybe even take Oregon and the state of Washington along with them.
The goal is to create a social justice utopia. This issue may come up in California's 2019 election.
The goal is to create a social justice utopia. This issue may come up in California's 2019 election.
After Calexit , Billy Bob, California's only redneck, escaped across the border back into the USA while being pursued by a howling mob of Social Justice Warriors.
Calexit by OneWhoKnowsBetter November 28, 2016
Chemtard
A. Someone who fails Chemistry class.
B. Derogatory term for those who believe in the existence of Chemtrails. They believe that George Bush I & II, Obama, The Illuminati, The National Weather Service, FEMA, Big Pharma, Rich People, Wall Street, and whatever villain they dream up, Are putting chemicals in the exhaust fumes of Jet airplanes.
Those who believe in the existence of chemtrails are usually decent people who sincerely believe that they have a simple answer to all the problems of the world. They want to change things for the better
B. Derogatory term for those who believe in the existence of Chemtrails. They believe that George Bush I & II, Obama, The Illuminati, The National Weather Service, FEMA, Big Pharma, Rich People, Wall Street, and whatever villain they dream up, Are putting chemicals in the exhaust fumes of Jet airplanes.
Those who believe in the existence of chemtrails are usually decent people who sincerely believe that they have a simple answer to all the problems of the world. They want to change things for the better
Two Nigerian scammers are in a world of hurt. Their Governor has put them on his "To be killed" list. It seems that they had FINALLY scammed the wrong person on e-bay motors.
These two have made their governor millions of dollars from their scams however this flow of money appears to be ending because too many people are up in arms. They are demanding Nigeria be cut off of the internet. The governor has put the blame on these two.
The scammers know that if they can come up with a bunch more money they will be taken off the hit list, the question is how.
One of them happens to look up in the sky and sees the contrail from a jet plane and an idea forms. He tells his friend " We shall start a scam we have nothing to sell but an idea. One where people cannot prove we did anything illegal and people who believe us will defend us passionately AND, most important send us money.
Thus the chemtrail conspiracy is born. The scammers are back in the good graces of the Governor and are still scamming on e-bay motors. They call the people who support them Chemtards.
These two have made their governor millions of dollars from their scams however this flow of money appears to be ending because too many people are up in arms. They are demanding Nigeria be cut off of the internet. The governor has put the blame on these two.
The scammers know that if they can come up with a bunch more money they will be taken off the hit list, the question is how.
One of them happens to look up in the sky and sees the contrail from a jet plane and an idea forms. He tells his friend " We shall start a scam we have nothing to sell but an idea. One where people cannot prove we did anything illegal and people who believe us will defend us passionately AND, most important send us money.
Thus the chemtrail conspiracy is born. The scammers are back in the good graces of the Governor and are still scamming on e-bay motors. They call the people who support them Chemtards.
Chemtard by OneWhoKnowsBetter October 23, 2014
Clipcloppers and Cottas
Monsters that sometimes appear as disembodied hands or hands that look look like they were cut off of someones arm.
Their favorite activity is to hide under a kids bed, then just as the kid is ready to drift off to sleep they sneak up under the bed covers and grab the kid by the foot. If the kid is not completely scared they will try dragging him out of bed. On other occasions they become invisible and pull the sheets off the kid when they are awake. This makes the shhets look like they are moving on their own.
Their favorite activity is to hide under a kids bed, then just as the kid is ready to drift off to sleep they sneak up under the bed covers and grab the kid by the foot. If the kid is not completely scared they will try dragging him out of bed. On other occasions they become invisible and pull the sheets off the kid when they are awake. This makes the shhets look like they are moving on their own.
it's the 1950's and little Johnnie screams out in the night.
Johnnies mom: What's the matter dear?"
Johnnie; The Clipcloppers and Cottas are grabbing my feet"
Johnnies mom; " Don't say that ever again or the police will come and lock you up in the lunatic Asylum for the rest of your life."
Johnnies mom: What's the matter dear?"
Johnnie; The Clipcloppers and Cottas are grabbing my feet"
Johnnies mom; " Don't say that ever again or the police will come and lock you up in the lunatic Asylum for the rest of your life."
Clipcloppers and Cottas by OneWhoKnowsBetter January 1, 2013
Urbanized Hillbilly
An old dude who grew up out in hillbilly land but moved to an urban area when they were a young man. They are an odd mixture of both liberal and conservative. They no longer fit in at their former home but they also don't fit in too well in the city even though they have many friends there.
Urbanized Hillbillies tend to read a lot and like to fix things like cars or anything else that needs fixing. A U.H. is the guy you call on when you need something fixed and you don't have the money to call a repairman, go to a garage, or etc.
Urbanized Hillbillies tend to read a lot and like to fix things like cars or anything else that needs fixing. A U.H. is the guy you call on when you need something fixed and you don't have the money to call a repairman, go to a garage, or etc.
City Boy 1; "Dude these snow chains I put on my tires ain't doing shit in this snow."" I'm gonna take em back then I'm gonna sue the store that sold them, and the company that made them."
City Boy 2: "Let's stop by Bob's house." " Bob's OK but his dad is a urbanized hillbilly."
City Boy 1; " No,he's a dumb motherfucker,"
City Boy 2; " "Yes he's a dumb fuck but there IS a few things those retarded hillbilly's do know." "Heres his house pull in."
Urbanized Hillbilly; "Looks at the car and shakes his head sadly and says; " First off I really would not be driving a classic car in this weather." Secondly; This is a 1969 Mustang and you put the chains on the front tires." " This is a rear wheel drive car, the chains go on the back tires." " Next time y'all do any work on a car go get a Haynes or a Chilton book and read it before you do anything else."
He then gets out his tools and proceeds to to change the chains for them.
Both city boys start jabbing each other in the ribs and whispering to each other "Look at that dumb motherfucker,he's changing it for us."
Old hillbilly thinks to himself: "Dumb fuckers." "They think I"m too stupid to know they are making fun of me." " Too stupid to know that the only reason I am doing this is because I don't want them to screw up this classic car."
City Boy 2: "Let's stop by Bob's house." " Bob's OK but his dad is a urbanized hillbilly."
City Boy 1; " No,he's a dumb motherfucker,"
City Boy 2; " "Yes he's a dumb fuck but there IS a few things those retarded hillbilly's do know." "Heres his house pull in."
Urbanized Hillbilly; "Looks at the car and shakes his head sadly and says; " First off I really would not be driving a classic car in this weather." Secondly; This is a 1969 Mustang and you put the chains on the front tires." " This is a rear wheel drive car, the chains go on the back tires." " Next time y'all do any work on a car go get a Haynes or a Chilton book and read it before you do anything else."
He then gets out his tools and proceeds to to change the chains for them.
Both city boys start jabbing each other in the ribs and whispering to each other "Look at that dumb motherfucker,he's changing it for us."
Old hillbilly thinks to himself: "Dumb fuckers." "They think I"m too stupid to know they are making fun of me." " Too stupid to know that the only reason I am doing this is because I don't want them to screw up this classic car."
Urbanized Hillbilly by OneWhoKnowsBetter December 25, 2012
Smoke Shack
A small outbuilding, usually unheated, has no air conditioning, where employees go to enjoy smoking a cigarette while anti-smoking Nazi's walk by and give them hateful looks.
Many times you will find non smokers there too. They are there because they like the conversation that sometimes goes on at a smoke shack.
Smokers go there for many different reasons. The main one being that they don't want to offend their non smoking friends. They also know that for many people smoking is not healthy. Many of them want to quit,have tried to quit, but then a anti-smoking Nazi will get in their face and tell them they are evil people." This has the reverse effect on a smoker and makes them want a cigarette even more."
Many times you will find non smokers there too. They are there because they like the conversation that sometimes goes on at a smoke shack.
Smokers go there for many different reasons. The main one being that they don't want to offend their non smoking friends. They also know that for many people smoking is not healthy. Many of them want to quit,have tried to quit, but then a anti-smoking Nazi will get in their face and tell them they are evil people." This has the reverse effect on a smoker and makes them want a cigarette even more."
Two anti-smoking nazis are walking by a smoke shack.
Nazi 1; "Look at that Smoke Shack." "Those people are the scum of the earth."
Nazi 2; " Whenever I see somebody smoking a cigarette I wanna smash it in their face, they really piss me off."
People in the smoke shack " Wow, look at the hateful looks those people are giving us."
Old Man in smoke shack: " Y'all wanna hear a funny story?"
Smoke Shack People; " Oh good!" "Another funny story."
Ols man; " I've known both of them for years." " Yall know I have nothing against pot but let me tell you that those two still smoke pot every night when they get home."
Smoke Shack people; " WHAT???" THEY SMOKE???"
OLd Man " Yes I know...it sounds crazy...but it's true." They consider it a herb and believe it's healthful." "They are actually taking in more tar and nicotine in one joint than i will by smoking a pack of cigarettes."
reformed dope dealer; Laughs and says " He's right and that aint all they do." " The old man knows because he used to smoke pot himself but gave it up years ago."
Old man: " I wish you would not tell that shit on me." "Yes it's true." " I smoked pt socially but gave it up when I got married." "it was damn lonely to be a single man on a Saturday night back then."
Nazi 1; "Look at that Smoke Shack." "Those people are the scum of the earth."
Nazi 2; " Whenever I see somebody smoking a cigarette I wanna smash it in their face, they really piss me off."
People in the smoke shack " Wow, look at the hateful looks those people are giving us."
Old Man in smoke shack: " Y'all wanna hear a funny story?"
Smoke Shack People; " Oh good!" "Another funny story."
Ols man; " I've known both of them for years." " Yall know I have nothing against pot but let me tell you that those two still smoke pot every night when they get home."
Smoke Shack people; " WHAT???" THEY SMOKE???"
OLd Man " Yes I know...it sounds crazy...but it's true." They consider it a herb and believe it's healthful." "They are actually taking in more tar and nicotine in one joint than i will by smoking a pack of cigarettes."
reformed dope dealer; Laughs and says " He's right and that aint all they do." " The old man knows because he used to smoke pot himself but gave it up years ago."
Old man: " I wish you would not tell that shit on me." "Yes it's true." " I smoked pt socially but gave it up when I got married." "it was damn lonely to be a single man on a Saturday night back then."
Smoke Shack by OneWhoKnowsBetter December 25, 2012
Motherfuckers Against Drunk Drivers
Sadly it's what the organization called mothers against drunk drivers eventually became.
They had a good cause, one that even the people who drink agreed with. Once they got power they became drunk with power. They were not happy with getting the new laws passed. They keep pushing for even more and stricter laws.
Politicians were more than happy top oblige. They saw the whole affair as a means to raise money without raising taxes.
The old way of handling drunk drivers needed changed. Too many decent people were killed. Unfortunately now decent people have arrest records for drinking half a beer.
They had a good cause, one that even the people who drink agreed with. Once they got power they became drunk with power. They were not happy with getting the new laws passed. They keep pushing for even more and stricter laws.
Politicians were more than happy top oblige. They saw the whole affair as a means to raise money without raising taxes.
The old way of handling drunk drivers needed changed. Too many decent people were killed. Unfortunately now decent people have arrest records for drinking half a beer.
Politician to police chief. We need a new city hall but we are short of funds. Go arrest more drunk drivers.
police chief; We are already busting a lot of people as it is. I thought we were doing this to stop drunk drivers. If that's not the case then you ought to convince the people to raise taxes to build your new city hall.
The politician goes to a Motherfuckers Against Drunk Drivers meeting. He says " Drunk Driving is a CRIME against humanity!" "I need your help." "The police chief is RESISTING my efforts to rid the streets of this scum!" "I need all of you to do a public demonstration at the mayors office and DEMAND he be fired!"
There was a huge protest at the mayors office. The police chief was fired, the new police chief cracked down on the drunk drivers. A huge new city hall building was built. All the politicians became rich from illegal kickbacks. The police chief took a job as a meter maid in a smaller town that paid very low salaries. The drunks were still driving and killing people.
police chief; We are already busting a lot of people as it is. I thought we were doing this to stop drunk drivers. If that's not the case then you ought to convince the people to raise taxes to build your new city hall.
The politician goes to a Motherfuckers Against Drunk Drivers meeting. He says " Drunk Driving is a CRIME against humanity!" "I need your help." "The police chief is RESISTING my efforts to rid the streets of this scum!" "I need all of you to do a public demonstration at the mayors office and DEMAND he be fired!"
There was a huge protest at the mayors office. The police chief was fired, the new police chief cracked down on the drunk drivers. A huge new city hall building was built. All the politicians became rich from illegal kickbacks. The police chief took a job as a meter maid in a smaller town that paid very low salaries. The drunks were still driving and killing people.
Motherfuckers Against Drunk Drivers by OneWhoKnowsBetter December 25, 2012
Jackass
A derogatory term similar in meaning to asshole, or stupid asshole. Jackass is a term that's almost never used by today's young people but somehow it sounds hilarious when an old person says it and really means it.
The jerk CEO at a nursing home was telling old man Smith that if he was going to stay at this nursing home he would have to sell his house and possessions or be kicked out.
Old man Smith: "Jackass!"
Nursing staff covers their mouths and tries desperately to stifle their laughter. Old Man Smith just said exactly how they felt about their CEO.
Old man Smith: "Jackass!"
Nursing staff covers their mouths and tries desperately to stifle their laughter. Old Man Smith just said exactly how they felt about their CEO.
Jackass by OneWhoKnowsBetter December 21, 2012